What Keeps Us Alive
by Neamh
Summary: [reincarnation fic/incomplete] As part of a school assignment, Kaoru and Kenshin stumble upon letters dated back to the Meiji Era addressed to---each other? /updated ch.8... the formatting stinks, see note inside./
1. Well It’s Better than the Spanish Inquis...

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Standard Disclaimers Apply

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AN: First off, I humbly apologize for spelling Kaoru's name wrong. That's what happens when you pull an all night Physics study marathon. ^^;; But I do apologize, I didn't mean to do so. Anyhow, this is a reincarnation fic. I've resisted to jump on the bandwagon for so long, but today I'm succumbing to it. I don't want to give too much away, but the majority of the flashbacks of the story are from the Revenge Arc with the resident *kawaii* psycho Enshin. Another important thing you need to know is that none of the Kenshin-gumi survived the Revenge Arc. There will be references to Kyoto as well. So with that in mind, enjoy the story.

Italics=thoughts

//Italics// = flashbacks 

What Keeps Us Alive

Prologue: _Well It's Better than the Spanish Inquisition…_

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She was a January Girl.

She never let on how insane it was.

In a tiny, kinda of scary house.

By the woods.

By the woods.

By the woods.

Tori Amos, "January Girl"

"I can't believe we still have an assignment," her best friend Keiko whispered from the seat next to her. "I mean the woman's the principal for god's sakes! I know we get off easy sometimes, but this is completely ridiculous. She just had twins!"

Kaoru rolled her eyes as Keiko continued ranting like crazy. Their history teacher, also their principal had left on maternity leave a little earlier than expected for them at least. It turned out that the woman had planned 'an in case of emergency assignment' for them. It turned out that the hormonally-charged Tsukiyo-san liked her own idea so much that she had decided to give the whole school the same assignment and call the week 'Learning About Our History'. The real kicker was that the partners were mixed. So as a junior, she could be partnered from anywhere from a freshman to a senior. She sighed. Great.

"And you know what the worst part is?"

"Iie," Kaoru said sarcastically. "But I bet you'll tell me."

Keiko ignored her friend and let out a melodramatic sigh. "I bit, just to spite me she partnered me with my _crush_, Ryu."

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh."

The substitute professor made his way up to the front of the room, the students in the room falling silent at his entrance. It wasn't so much as any of them were worried about the assignment per say. It was just a matter of who each of them were going to be partnered with. Oh she hoped it wasn't one of Megumi's friends. Granted her older sister was smart, but her friends, oh god her friends, didn't even carry within an ounce of brain cells. 

"All right people, I know everyone's anxious enough all ready so I won't ramble any longer. The assignment is simple, report on a specific time period of history using any artifacts from that time. Be creative of curse and its due in three weeks, first thing first period. "

The teacher paused, pulling out a thick packet and flipping to the second to last page. Kaoru leaned forward, becoming just as anxious as the rest of the kids in her class to see who her partner was.

"And without further adieu-" 

There were some groans and whispers. She winced as chairs slid forward, screeching as the metal made contact with the cool concrete. _Alright, already!_

"-Hashiba Keiko and Mizuko Ryu. You will be doing the Spanish Inquisition."

Keiko shot her a pale 'I-told-you-so" look and she let out a small giggle. Well, it was her own fault she didn't even try to confront her crush on Ryu. At least, she didn't have do the damn Spanish Inquisition. European History wasn't one of her favorites. The fates had decided take matters in to their own hands.

She froze, her thoughts grazing a past familiarity of some sort. 

//_The fates have decided to take matters into their own hands. You need to earn your second chance._//

She let out a hiss of pain. Her head had started to throb.

"Hajime Kaoru and-"

**

"And I *thought* senior was supposed to be a goddamn breeze," Sagara Sanosuke muttered, leaning back in his chair. His girlfriend, Hajime Megumi rolled her eyes and smacked him in the back of his head.

"You're a complete baka sometimes," she muttered.

"Only to please you, my dear kitsune."

Kenshin chuckled and shook his head. Before one of the couple's ever famous fights could start, their history professor entered the room. 

"All right people, it's time for those group assignments I was talking about yesterday. So I'll get right started. Sagara-san? You and Hajime-san will be working together."

Sano pumped his fist in the air in excitement and proceeded to slap him in the back, nice and hard. "Hai! Hear that Kenshin? Me and the kitsune are working together!"

Kenshin winced at the soreness in his back and gave his friend a cheerful smile. Sano slapped him in the back once more, excitedly.

"Oi, Sano! I don't think Ken-san can take anymore of your insane jabbering," Megumi exclaimed, catching her boyfriend's arm in mid air.

"Just excited to be with my woman, kitsune. You understand."

"You're a baka. A total fool, you want me to introduce you to my father?"

"Oro?"

Kenshin lurched forward as the expression escaped his lips.

// _"You said Oro!" Her brilliant blue eyes were wide with amazement and something akin to laughter. Her lips curved into a beautiful smile and he felt himself slowly becoming spellbound by the woman that stood before him. That is until he felt himself in a chokehold._//

He looked wide eyed, meeting the hardening gaze of his teacher. The older man was tapping his foot impatiently.

"If both Sagara-san and Hajime-san could stop sharing the wonders of their premarital problems with the rest of the class and Himura-san would come back to the living, I could continue with the assignments."

"Gomen seishi," came the mumbled responses of the three.

"Good. The married couple will be doing the French Revolution, a topic I find very fascinating. Shinomori-san, you will be paired with a freshman, Hajime's sister Misao."

Cat calls and whistles were heard throughout the room from the male population of the class. Although he only knew Megumi personally, Kenshin had never met the other two sisters or even knew their names being a senior transfer student. But they were famous in the school for their beauty, brains, athletics, and well, their father. Rumor had it that the girls' father was a force to be reckoned with. 

"-Dutch culture. Himura Kenshin and Hajime Kaoru will also be working together on the-"

**

"-Meiji era was post-revolution in Japan," Keiko read from her old notes from last semester. "Remember? We talked about the Hitokiri Battousai and his legend in detail with Tsukiyo-san before the maternity leave was designated _official_."

Of course she remembered. She spent most of her time daydream about mastering kenjustsu and a faceless man. Keiko had made fun of her for weeks. The y headed down the stairs to the cafeteria.

//_She loved his eyes, regardless of what he though of himself. Violet was cool and calming. Violet was warm and open. Home. Amber was passion and fury. Anger and sadness. Amber was possession. Both were love_.//

"Kaoru-chan?"

"Huh?"

"Kaoru-chan, this is the second time you've spaced out today," Keiko scolded. "Focus on the task at hand, which is finding your crazy sister and having her introduce you to Himura Kenshin or whoever the hell he is."

// _"You will never see, the Battousai again," he hissed. "I will take you away from him just like he took my oneesan away from me."_//

She shook her head, a chill running down her spine. What was wrong with her? The daydreams were never even this vibrant when they were studying the Meiji Era in class.

"Kaoru-chan!"

"Coming!"

_It could have been worse. It could have done the Inquistion with Ryu. _Her eyes wandered over to Keiko and Ryo. She grimaced as she watched Keiko's eyes go starry-eyed while Ryu wiped incoming snot.

_Ewww_…

**

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Preview of Ch.1

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Kenshin and Kaoru are introduced by Megumi at lunch. Aoshi literally collides with Misao. And our resident psychopath makes an appearance. No, no Saitou only gets like that wen the girls bring dates home. Which is almost never… ^^;;

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AN: Just to clear somethings up. Sano and Megumi are already a couple, but Aoshi and Misao and Kenshin and Kaoru respectively are not. Saitou and Tokio are the girls' parents and do play an important role eventually. This is a K+K major focus, but it does not mean I won't drop scenes with other couples. In terms of the genre, it may seem light and a little fluffy now. But I guarantee it'll get darker which is why it's R and a Romance/Drama. Gotta keep my reputation for tormenting characters. ^_^

Feedback would be much appreciated! 


	2. Uh, oops?

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Standard Disclaimers Apply

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//Italics// = flashbacks

Italics = thoughts

What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter One: _Uh, oops?_

They say a four-leaf clover brings happiness.

But don't tell anyone.

She was late for History class.

She was really *late* for History class.

Both Megumi and Misao had flown through History class their respective freshman years and she had mentioned both "Seijirou" and "seishi" in the same sentence, her sisters had both offered to plan her funeral. She had even remembered Sano say that even if you were the slightest of a fraction late, Seijirou-seishi would have your head on a plate. And right now, she wanted to make to at least sophomore year.

She glanced at her watch, as she weaved her way through the crowds of laughing students. She had exactly *three* minutes to save her hide. It was as if her life was ticking away. _Not even dad makes me this nervous_…

"Oof!"

She rubbed her sore butt, angrily. _This day couldn't get any worse, can it? I'm late and I run, no collide with some fool and the result of all this is that I'm going to be embarrassed and have a sore ass!_

"Why do you-"

"Daij-"

Misao pushed herself up, sighing tiredly as the first bell rang. Not three months into the school year and she was already late for class. _Dad's gonna be pissed…_ She turned angrily to make eye contact with the idiot who had nearly trampled her to death.

"Listen jackas-"

//_"How could you say something like that? You just give up faith on a woman who's done nothing more than call us part of her family? I understand that you're a warrior. I understand that you think that we should think realistically, but you don't have to be an insensitive baka. Talk to me, when you have something useful to say."_

"Misao," he began, his eyes softening.

"Iie," she hissed. "Not this time. She's my friend and my sister. I will not let her down. I am going to help him whether you like it or not."//

"Your eyes are the most peculiar shade of green."

She held her breath, forcing herself to ignore the images that her mind concocted and found herself looking at the most gorgeous body she had ever seen. Oh. My. God. Shinomori Aoshi stood before her in all his god-like glory. And he was a senior too…

Tight black t-shirt with outline of his brilliant abs.

_Check._

Curious eyes regarding her as if she were a specimen up for observation.

_Double check_.

She felt like a complete fool. A complete and utter fool. With 'peculiar green' eyes to top it all of. Great.

"Look," she started tiredly. "I'm late for class. I'm having a bad day and you're telling me that I've got peculiar eyes? You must say that to all the girls."

The stunningly gorgeous man held out his hand for her. She gave him a look as if he were crazy. He chuckled.

"I don't bite. You're Haijime-san's little sister, right?"

"Hai…"

Was Megumi trying to take matters into her own hands again? Didn't she remember the last time she'd tried to set her up on a date? Dad nearly had a massive coronary, so bad that their mom had to take him out of the house. She had made her date drop her off a mile away in fear for the poor boy's life. 

"I take it you have been to history yet, Haijime-san."

"What am I, forty? Iie, of course not. I was on my way with three minutes to spare," she snapped, earning another chuckle from the older boy. She slapped her hand over mouth. _Bottom of the food chain, Misao. Bottom of the food chain._

"And I take it that you have Seijirou-san."

"Is it that obvious?"

He leaned down to help her pick up the mess of papers on the floor. She sighed. _Bad, bad day. Had to happen to me_.

"Come on," Aoshi suddenly spoke up. "I'll take you to class. This was my fault."

//_Drowning, drowning, drowning…_

"Onegai… Gomen… Just don't leave me here…"

Faint whispers.

Madness, pain, agony, pain…

Why? How could you?

"My fault…"//

She jumped, Aoshi watching her in concern.

"I'm okay," she spoke quickly. "Just as long as you help me avoid the all mighty wrath of Seijirou-san."

The older boy was silent for a moment.

"Alright… partner."

** 

_M, m, m, why is it back so far? I had to end up in the creepy part of the library. _Kaoru walked slowly down the long hall of bookcases. She found the right spot for the 'm' section, climbing up unto one of the stools. Might as well. It wasn't like she was in any kind of hurry after all. She just figured she start the project since Megumi stood her up at lunch. How the hell was she supposed to know what Himura looked like. Rumor had it that he was a transfer student and Keiko said that he was hot, but how was that supposed to help her? Lunch was the only other time she saw seniors at school.

She could kill Megumi.

Honestly she could.

Kaoru loved her sister, but when it came to Sano, Megumi's brain cells were depleted to the equivalent of refried beans. It took three years for her to admit that Sano was the love of her life, or so she claimed on the days the couple wasn't fighting. And they were complete opposites on top of that. Megumi was smart and attractive with everything going for her----grades, sports, life in general. Sano, well Sano was Sano. He defined his own character because he was character, in his own mind. But they were happy and that was all that mattered. 

Even if they made out far more than even a newly wed couple to say the least.

_Aahhh, Meiji! 'bout time I found it._ She turned the book over to see whether or not it had any use. She would be doing this faster if she had _met _her partner. _This is the last time I do something nice for Megumi-chan. She owes me twice now._

Meiji, hmmm…. Context meaning "enlightened peace". I876 reign name of Emperor Mutsuhito, revolution in Japanese life and government that occurred after the accession of Emperor Mutsuhito. Also characterized by the downfall of the shogun and feudalism and the creation of a modern state.

// "_The Meiji government holds so much promise that sometimes I'm ready to believe that there might be a sliver of a chance for us to finally find some form of piece. But then that is how the cycle always begins, isn't it?"_

She gazed at him sadly, catching the hidden meaning within his words. She took his hand in hers offering only what she could, a quiet moment. She turned her gaze out to the sea, watching the glistening drops of sapphires gather atop the rough surface of the shore. She could only give him what she had.

"Sometimes," she began quietly. "Sometimes we loose our way and can't get back where we're supposed to be.//

The book clattered to the ground, the pages crunching as it settled to a stop. Her hands flying up to her head. The pounding wouldn't stop.

"hey a-"

_// "He doesn't deserve you."_//

Her foot slipped on the edge of the stool and she fell backwards, non-existent wind, air, whatever it was.

//_ "I will take your body. I will take your soul. You *will* belong to me_.//

She found herself wondering when she was going to hit the cold marble, but instead felt the warmth of body heat generated by two pair of arms clutching as if she were the most precious discovery in the world. 

//_ "For you I will keep my promise. You've given me something no one else has bothered to even try to. I can live."_//

Kaoru found herself looking into a pair eyes, completely ignore the rest of her savior.

"Your eyes," she whispered. "Your eyes are violet…"

//_ "Tadaima." _//

**

"I want to switch schools."

The old man's neck snapped up to look his grandson clearly in the eye. What he saw, was something that he did not like. He had no resemblance to either of his parents, his eyes haunting and filled with God knows what. For all he knew, his only living relative and what was left of his son's memory was possessed by some spirit.

"Alright Enishi, I'm listening."

The boy stood with a smirk and moved towards the window.

"Good. Very Good."

**

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Thank Yous

**chibi-angel, chibi-rinoa, sync*in, a sad lonely little lunchbox, Sasura, 9999, Leigh, Battousai angel, sarah0sleds, Nim, anh, dementedchris, Bunny, Jason M. Lee, Macy, Kyo, KuroNeko-sama, Kori Suketchi, and Koneko-dono.**

Next Chapter Preview

_Kenshin and Kaoru finally meet while Aoshi and Misao conquer the 'Hiko-hurdle'. A little more of Enishi and Saitou to top it all off._

AN: *sniff*, *sniff*. You guys make me feel so loved. I'm glad you liked the prologue. I was worried about it for some reason. Anyhow, I said that Megumi was going to introduced Kenshin and Kaoru, but she was a little busy with Sano at the moment so I had to improvise a little. I hope that I'm not confusing anyone yet. There's going to be a lot of spoliers/history starting in the next chapter. Obviously they didn't die in the Jinchuu in the series but I'll revealed how I killed them a little later. Also keep in mind that Kaoru has been plagued by flashbacks before but really hasn't paid any attention at all. Watch for those references next chapter as well.

More Feedback Please! 

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	3. I Wish I Could Tell You, But…

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Standard Disclaimers Apply

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//Italics// = Flashbacks

Italics = Thoughts

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What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter Two: I Wish I Could Tell You, But…

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I am not free, but I long to be.

Injected, "faithless"

// _She was empty. Useless. Angry. He had left her with nothing to hold onto. Not even the slightest of a memory. She was bitter and cold. Tired. Was this what felt like to be so helpless. She knew he meant well, not saying good-bye. She knew he meant well, hoping for so much more for her. But it wasn't happening. He had made a mistake. He had left her here to die._

"Baka," she whispered. "Aishiteru, regardless."

She turned from her place at the window in her room, grabbing the long dagger from the ledge. Jisatsu. Ritual suicide. Like mother, like daughter, and grandmother before. Everyone of them was in love with a man that left them to choke on the intensity of their love. 

Blood. Pain. Cold. Breathe.

"You owe me one more day…" //

"Kitsune!"

Megumi shot up with a gasp as if she had been drowning in water for hours. Her head fell to her knees and she tried to ignore the throbbing that had started to march in her forehead. She could feel the cool breeze brush her hair against her knees as if it were trying to comfort her. _What the hell was that_?

"Kitsune, what's going on? I leave you for five minutes and you're hyperventilating!"

// _"I don't understand why the hell you can't believe me. I always come back. Do you have so little faith in me?"_

She couldn't take it anymore. She exploded. "Of course I believe you. I know you come back. But," she paused, turning away from him. Her throat felt like it was on fire. She placed a firm hand on the examining table.

"You don't always come back to me." //

"Kitsune?"

Breathe in. Breathe out. She had to get out of there away, so she could clear her thoughts. She pushed herself up and away from Sano, who wore an utterly confused look on his face.

"I've got to go," she lied. He looked at her, a unreadable expression on his face. She backed away slowly. One. Two. Three. _Gomen ne, Sano. I honestly got to get out of here. I feel like I'm suffocating._

"But I thought we were-"

"Kaoru just called! I talk to you later," she called over her shoulder. Kaoru would understand even if she were lying to Sanosuke.

// _"What is wrong with you?_ _I don't-"_

_Lies. Lies. And more lie. She was bound to snap some day._

"I'm going." //

**

"Are you-"

She shifted around in his arms to regain some balance and then pushed away from him. Cold. Without her, all the warmth had drifted away like fog. And besides, it wasn't every day a beautiful girl fell into your arms. Kenshin shook his head. _I'm spending way too much time with Sano_.

"I'm fine," the girl finally spoke, turning to face him. _Oh my…_ Beautiful didn't even do her justice. Waterfalls of ebony hair hung loosely around her back, a few strands matted to her forehead. He watched in avid fascination as her slender hands brushed her hair back. The girl sighed, her lips moved slowly as if she were struggling to breathe normally. _Well, what do you expect, she nearly fell of the ladder_. She brushed off her hands on her short school skirt. _Don't even think about it, hentai. Forget it._

She looked up at him and he froze. Her sapphire-colored eyes, regarded him in shock for a moment. But it quickly disappeared and was replaced by rosy blush.

// _Her spirit, he decided. It was her spirit that captured his intrigue. It was her compassion that earned his respect, regardless of the fact that she wanted it or not. It was her love, however that captured his heart._

He reached forward, grasping her small wrist in his large callused hands. She turned to look at him in confusion, even more so when he smiled at her. His fingers began to rub gently small circular motions atop her soft skin. It amazed him that even tough she practiced kenjutsu daily, by herself and with Yahiko, that she was so soft. He longed to go further in his explorations of the exposed skin and the Battousai in him heartily agreed, but he feared he would scare her if he did.

"Ke-"

"Shh…" 

He brushed a loose strand of her away from her face and tucked it gently behind her ear. He let out a deep chuckle, her face contorting into a look of even greater confusion if even possible.

"One moment," he whispered. "One moment is all that Se- - I want." //

"Kirei," he whispered, tracing one finger against her lips. He felt as if he were engulfed by some trance. He couldn't even keep his hands away from her. All he wanted was to touch her and keep her near. He pulled her into her into his arms again, tilting her face to meet his. _I can't even…_

He leaned forward, ready to capture her lips with his own.

"Kaoru-chan!"

The girl, or Kaoru do to her response, broke away from his grasp to see another girl running frantically towards her. _She's my partner. I nearly made out with my partner and Megumi's sister. I am so dead._ Strangely enough, he still held a tight grip around her arm. His eyes widened.

"Megumi-dono?"

The other girl didn't say anything falling into Kaoru's arms. She was sobbing.

"It's happening again. Everything… The nightmare… Kaoru-chan, I feel like I'm going insane. I lied to Sano! I don't even lie to him. Oh god…"

She turned to look at him once more, expression unreadable. Kaoru then turned, leading her sister silently out of the library. The warmth was gone.

// _"Come back," he croaked, reaching for her lifeless body. Even in the unmerciful nature of her death, she still carried a peaceful nature about her._

"Onegai, come back." //

He rubbed his eyes wearily, suddenly noticing two small books that had most likely fallen to the ground when Kaoru had fallen in his arms. He kneeled down to pick each up.

// _"You die. I've won, Battousai."_

Amber eyes glared dangerously at his opponent.

"You might win, but I'll still have her. She's my woman." //

_Mine_.

**

"I miss you, koishii."

She giggled like a school girl into the receiver of the telephone. Her husband always sounded like a lost puppy when called home from his business stays. This was when tormenting him was at its best.

"Oh really, Haijime-san? Does your wife know?"

He grunted much to her delight. It also meant that he was blushing within the confines of his room. Too bad he wasn't at the office. She could really get her kicks off then.

"You're cruel, Tokio. I tell you I miss-"

"Quit wining, baka. Would you rather be at the office? Or in front of our daughters were you never hear the end of it? I mean, since you are _blushing_ like a fool."

_Beat that, anata!_

"Insufferable woman," Saitou muttered.

She snorted. "You still stink at comebacks-"

Tokio was cut off by the front door opening and slamming, both her daughters Megumi and Kaoru walking in with blank expression on their respective faces.

"Koishii?"

She looked at the clock. _It's only two. I know they have the last two periods free, but what about their practices?_

"I'll call you back."

She hung up, not even giving her husband a chance to respond and head towards the room of Megumi. She could hear the two girls' faint whispers.

_Something's wrong_.

**

His eyes were cold.

Empty.

He long to feel something, anything. But it was as if he had been born as a hollow body with only longings for things he couldn't have.

//_ "I will never be yours."_

"I'm not letting you go," he retorted.

"What's the use? You've won. You told me yourself that he's dead. You have my body."

He grabbed violently, pulling her into his arms.

"You are mine." //

Enishi barely noticed his fist still in the mirror or the shards of glass that had fallen to the top of the bureau. 

_The cycle has no end_.

**

"I don't understand-"

Seijirou Hiko waved his hand in absent dismissal. What more did the damn girl want from him? It was bad enough she was Haijime's last kid and had Shinomori on her side. He looked up at the pair, hiding a smirk that threatened to appear on his face.

"We just talked about the project and I'm sure you can find out what you need to do with Shinomori-san. Next time, though you won't be so lucky."

The bewildered girl nodded, giving Shinomori a weak smile and went to her seat. Hiko met the young boy's eyes.

_You cut it close this time. Will history repeat itself in your favor?_

**

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Preview for Chapter 3:

_Kaoru and Megumi have a mother-daughter talk with Tokio. Aoshi and Kenshin have a few words. Sanosuke gives Misao a ride home and Saitou comes home… 0_o_

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Thank Yous:

_To everybody! Your reviews make a girl swoon and forget about her Gundam writer's block. *sweatdrop* Don't ask…_

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Author's Ramblings:

_Again, thank you all! I'm so, so happy. First, Misao-chan about your offer e-mail me if you really want the job so we can talk. ^_^ Hey I can use my ramblings as a message board if I want to. *sticks tongue out at a glaring Saitou*_

Saitou: I'm… I'm a softie!

*shakes head* He's still in shock with all the WAFF, don't mind him at all. Anyhow, if anyone was curious, the quote from the last chapter was from the first book of CLAMP's Clover. I recommend anything CLAMP!

I promise the letters will come, possibly the next chapter so that we can get it more of the past and all of that goodness. Major warning for angst ahead!

Keep on rollin' the feedback. 


	4. Pieces

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Standard Disclaimers Apply

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//Italics// = Flashbacks

Italics = Thoughts

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Bold = Letter (s)

What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter Three: Pieces

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Little birds of the night

Aye, they have much to tell

Stephen Crane

Keiko sighed, glancing at Kaoru's empty desk with a worried expression marring her face. It wasn't like her best friend to be _this _late for school and the even weirder thing was that Misao had been the only one to show up this morning. There were no signs of the eldest Haijime sister Megumi either. She sighed again, this time slightly agitated. She better not be left out of something juicy. And she hated being kept out of a secret. 

Besides rumor has it that her partner is the hottest senior transfer that anyone has feasted their eyes upon.

"Attention! Onegai, everyone sit down!"

People stood up and moved around back to their normal seats, still whispering across each table group to their friends or partners. Yuu, the third person in her table looked at her and mouthed 'Where's Kaoru?'. She only shrugged. _If one more person asks me that today, I'll scream._

She looked up to the front of the room and waited for the **sensei **to speak. The man seemed to be a little confused himself as he walked over to the door and motioned for someone to come in. Her eyes widened and she could of sworn, drool was starting to slide down her round chin. _What is with all the *kawaii* the guys lately?_

"All right, class! We've got ourselves a new transfer student. State your name please."

_Very nice. Very, *very* nice. Where the hell is Kaoru? _Keiko squinted her eyes so she could see the transfer student better. The boy stepped into further light, looming over poor Tsukiyo-**sensei**. He wore the standard boys' uniform, his jacket slung over his right shoulder and his top two buttons undone. His lips were curved into a smirk, obviously hearing the frantic whispers from the girls in the class. Silver locks of hair stuck up in all types of positions, which kind of gave him the bed-head look. _The sexy bed-head look is more like it_. His turquoise eyes seemed to be searching for someone within the room, a flash of anger when his gaze fell on her group's table.

"Watashi wa Yuikishiro Enishi."

It was at that moment that Kaoru had decided to enter the classroom.

**

Mornings were Hajime Tokio's favorite time of the day in the household. Her husband slept soundly, free of the burdens of his police work. She loved to watch him sleep, sometimes wishing that the rest of the world could see the big softie Hajime Saitou was when home with his family. She knew how ruthless he was outside the house, how cold other people thought he was. And then there were the times she felt incredibly selfish and didn't want to share him at all with anyone. He worked too hard and she damn well knew that he secretly wanted to be surrounded by his family. Even if he didn't say it, she made sure it happened. She even unplugged the telephones in the house when he was on vacation.

Today was no different. 

She rolled over onto one side, suddenly greeted by the sight of her husband's muscular chest. A large vertical slash ran across his broad chest. She sighed softly, her fingers grazing the scar softly. _You're too brave of a man_. A wicked smile came to her lips as she began to plant butterfly kisses at random on his chest. He moaned.

"Chibi-onna, it's too damn early in the morning."

She chuckled. Kiss here, kiss there. "I can always stop, you know…"

He threaded his long fingers through her thick mane of hair. Strands of fine ebony fell across his chest. Saitou's eyes were now wide and alert. Tokio bit back a laugh. Well, that got him up. Saitou's husky voice broke through her thoughts.

"Don't you even think about stopping."

_I'm worried._

"But there's breakfast to serve. And I have to-," she faltered, think back to the strange talk that she had with both her daughters. Saitou kissed her forehead, his signal that they would talk about it later.

Saitou grunted, his eyes mirroring a playful expression. "I think I'm going to _keep_ you here."

She smacked him, causing him to wince. "I thought you were supposed to be the _big and strong _man that brought in the _money, _dear-"

He cut her off with a kiss. Tokio moaned softly as she felt his hands began to travel up her tank top. Yes, mornings were definitely her favorite. She had her family. She had a wonderful, but sometimes, well scratch that, completely egotistical husband and lover. 

Life was good.

Almost.

**

She knew he was beyond furious with her.

Extremely furious didn't even fit what he looked like now.

"Sano, I said I was sorry."

He said nothing, ignoring her and sitting at his desk. She sighed, her frustration beginning to rise. _What do you want me to say? I ran away and lied to you because my mind's going insane with something I feel like I can't even explain to you?_ _It's like asking you do you want me to rip out your heart or stab it? _

She sighed, glancing once more at her expressionless boyfriend and then went to the back of the room to her seat. She buried her head in her arms, trying to force herself not to cry. _I'd tell you in a heart beat, but would you understand…_

// _She looked up at her mother and then at Kaoru, who remained at her position at the window. A half-sigh, half-sob escaped her lips._

"I won't do it," she hissed. "He's my boyfriend, my best friend and I don't have any desire to tell him 'Hey, guess what? I'm having dreams of me committing ritual suicide, you know what they used to do back in old Japan.' Oh yeah, sure. That works." //

The bell run and she glanced back once more at her boyfriend. His shoulders were tensed and sat straight up as if he were in drill school. She bit her lip.

_I just don't want to hurt you_.

**

The book stood out amongst the acquired pile of research he had made while waiting for his second free to start and for Megumi's little sister to meet him in the library. He leaned his head on his arm. After the strange day yesterday, he didn't really know what to say to Kaoru. Or even talk to her for that matter. He sighed his gaze drifting back to the book that lay before him. The book was tiny, almost journal-like. The cover was white marble with an engraving of a iris and small kanji that he couldn't distinguish. He began to reach for the book, curious to see the contents.

_Baka!_

His hand paused mid-air.

_You found it after the episode in library, yesterday. Remember?_

His hand dropped, but his eyes continued to lay on the book.

_Don't let your curiosity get you into trouble. Haijime-san could proably come after you for going through his daughter's belongings._

It seemed like his hand had a mind of its own and he found himself picking up the book and opening it. The pages crinkled as he searched for something with writing. Kenshin hissed drawling his hand back when a newly formed paper cut began to bleed on his finger. The book flipped back to the hardcover.

**17th Day of the Fourth Month of the Meiji Year**

****

I miss you. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness, anger, and pain. Or maybe because I'm going to die soon. But Kenshin, I miss you. I miss you so much.

My father once told me that the only reason a swordsman fights is to avoid the loneliness and because he has no pleasant memories of his own to keep. The bad always outweighs the good, sadly. I want you to have a memory of me Kenshin and this is it. I can't really say that these letters are all heartwarming, but for some strange reason I felt like I had conversations with you. My writing these letters are what saved my sanity for the most part.

He's just a boy, Kenshin. He has no idea what he's really doing to people. He's just so caught up with his own anger, but at the same time he feels he's being completely righteous. I'm not asking you to spare Enishin's life, but promise me he'll-

_Addressed to me? _Stunned, he stopped reading, eyes wandering around the pages. _Teardrops_, he realized. _The more faded parts of the pages are teardrops_.

Here are my memories. Good. Bad. Filled with hope. Desperation. Love. Loss. I give you my heart and my soul. Wait for me…

_Kaoru_

The book fell out of his hands.

_Me?_

"Leave me alone!"

He whirled around, eyes wide.

_Kaoru_.

**

"I said leave me alone," Kaoru hissed, vehemently trying to loosen Enishin's grasp on her wrist and break away. 

He pushed down his sunglasses, turquoise eyes flashing and accepting the challenge as if this whole thing was just one whole charade to him. Kaoru mentally shrunk back. _What did I ever do to this guy? I just met him this morning. _He pulled her closer to his chest, fastening one arm tightly around her waist and positioning his legs so that she was completely locked by his body. 

"Onegai," she said softly. "Just let me go."

"You ignored me. I don't like being ignored."

Her eyes widened. _That phrase. Everything seems so familiar. His eyes, they way his lips curve into a smirk. I don't understand what's going on._

"I told once before Kaoru-san. I will have you no matter-"

Her heart was pounding and her vision began to blur. _Iie, onegai I can't take this anymore. _Her arms began to push away from Enishi, but he was too storng and she was beginning to feel so tired.

"Let go of my girlfriend."

_Kenshin_.

**

****

Coming Attractions

_Yahiko and Tsubame will be making an appearance one way or another soon. Sayo, as much as I can't stand her character will be appearing too. Look for Tomoe and Seta-chan too. DO realize that the length/time that they will appear in is still not know or what form they gonna drop by in either…_

****

Thank You Very Muches

_Everyone's been so wonderful. I do appreciate every last review you guys give me. And I do read them. I do apologize for not posting faster. I'm in the middle of college decision making and some nasty fights with my parents, so bear with me. I make the decision this weekend, hopefully the right one._

****

Ever So Wonderful Ramblings

_*ducks flying objects* Gomen, I did not mean to cut off where I did and lay a cliff hanger on you. Honest! But if I had continued, then I would have written way too much that can't be revealed yet. *peeks behind a smoking Saitou*_

Anyhow, from now on I'm going to discontinue chapter previews. Why? Well, if you picked up what happen this chapter and compared it to what I said in the preview in the last chapter… Hmmm… I'll give something like a character update, baiscally who's coming into the story and what the background's going to be like.

I'm looking for a beta reader. Very simple qualifications, I like analysis and good grammar. I get lazy sometimes. ^^;; Feel free to e-mail me.

Also, I had the weirdest conversation with a friend. What does everybody think of a Battousai-Kaoru-Saitou triangle AU set during the Revolution? I'm very curious…

****

__


	5. I Take the Insanity Plea

****

Standard Disclaimers Apply

//_Italics_// = flashbacks

__

Italics = thoughts

****

Bold = letters

What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter Four: I Take the Insanity Plea

__

What's love got to do with it?

Tina Turner

Girlfriend.

Her eyes went wide.

_I'm his girlfriend?_

Before her bewildered thoughts could go on any longer, she found herself coming in contact with Kenshin's hard chest, with her arms having no choice but to wrap her arms around his waist. She was breathing heavily as her nervousness became more profound each time she thought about her brief encounter with the new student, Enishi.

"This is interesting," Enishi murmured.

Her heart was pounding as she forced herself to close her eyes, willing her mind to calm down. Kenshin's hand began to run through her back gently as if he were trying to reassure her. She lifted her head up to meet Kenshin's eyes. She knew he was glaring at Enishi, through his fiery locks. 

"So if she's yours _Himura_, _prove it_."

He had lit the fire within her. She sure as hell didn't belong to anybody. Kaoru whirled around from Kenshin's grasp to say something utterly nasty to the pompous boy, but was stopped in her tracks by Kenshin's arms.

"I don't need to prove anything," came Kenshin's voice.

She froze, his hands brushing her bare arms and sending shivers down her back. His hands worked their way up to her shoulders and then to her neck, forcing her to expose it to him. She threw her head back as his lips touched her skin, a soft moan escaping her lips. Her mind was numb and her thoughts were beyond chaotic. _Why am I responding like this? What's wrong with me? _

Her arms snaked around Kenshin's neck and she tilted her head more to give him more access. The kissing assault continued, both of them obvious to the fact that Enishi had already departed with a deep frown on his face.

She whimpered when she no longer felt the softness of the butterfly kisses on her neck, but soon found herself looking up at Kenshin. Her eyes widened slightly, as she raised her slender hand to touch his face. Her fingers danced across his left cheek, tracing two lines.

_There should be a scar there. Two quick slashes, right to left._

"Kaoru…"

She met his gaze, his eyes burning into hers.

"Your eyes," she whispered, her fingers grazing his face gently. "Your eyes, they're _amber_…"

But Kenshin seemed to be in his own world, pulling her closer to him. It was an embrace of possession, total and complete possession. _It's weird. _Her eyes closed as she began to give in to the warmth of Kenshin's arms.

"Ken-shin?"

He said nothing.

"Kenshin." She tried again, this time with far more urgency laced in her voice. He turned his head towards her, his eyes a raging gold. A slow and shaky hand reached up to touch his face.

"_Mine._ You are my woman."

_The Battousai's woman._

I am-

**

She was closer with Kaoru than she was with Megumi. Both Kaoru and her shared the same interests and there was just something about her older sister that was just completely and utterly comfortable. Kaoru was approachable, but never easy to read. Kaoru gave the best advice, but sometimes she found herself wondering what exactly was in the mind of her older sister.

Especially now.

Both herself and Megumi shared the boy-crazy genes; her time with Aoshi was developing into the all too familiar "boy of the month" regardless of the fact that she felt a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. She shook her head, her eyes pinned on her sister who was preoccupied at the moment.

Her older sister was making out.

Making out with a hot guy in the middle of the school library mind you.

With people staring.

Make that gaping.

"Are you…?" 

Misao turned to face Aoshi who held several books in his hands. _So much for getting work done today or spending time with him for that matter. _There was no way she was going to be able to get anything done.

She sighed, stepping forward to try to end the heated kiss. Word travels fast in school and most of the men that worked under her father had daughters and sons that went to school with them. She spotted Keiko across the room.

Oh, their dad was going to have a field day with this one.

Especially since it was Kaoru.

**

He watched the blossoms of the sakura tree dance in whirls to the wet ground. He made his way over to one of the benches, which was the farthest away from the school grounds. He couldn't think if anyone saw him, it was bad enough that the majority of the girls flocked around him when he was introduced to the class today. He held everyone's attention. The bright and boyish rich boy ready to conquer the school and the ladies. 

He held everyone's attention.

But hers.

This was supposed to have been simple. He was supposed to have found Himura and eliminated him. But then again, he himself never liked anything to be _too_ easy. It was just the problems that irritated him. Problems like Haijime Kaoru, the reincarnation of the Battousai's woman. The Battousai's comrades and even Mibu's Wolf had been given a new life. Yes, he had rather large problems. The ties would not be easy to cut through.

He had to find a new pawn, his ties with Kaoru would not allow him to hurt her or use her for that matter. She was far beyond the role that she had served in the past. Ah yes, he had fallen in love with her. He admitted it whole-heartedly. But with the Battousai, he served no chance.

A single petal landed in his open palm. His eyes watched it in slight curiosity.

"Beautiful…"

_But beauty doesn't last forever…_

The sakura blossom fell slowly to the ground, crushed and crumpled in the palm of his hand.

_Everything will die_.

**

**Days seem so empty now. The island is beautiful, but it's… it's not home. I miss you more and more each day, Kenshin. There are times where I feel like I can't handle the solitude much longer. My voice of reason has turned into nothing more than my insanity. Even the idea of writing as if I were talking to you has lost it's fulfillment. Although it has only been nearly a week, I feel like I've been trapped here for all eternity…**

Nothing could describe the whirl of emotions coursing through his body. He gripped the book tighter, trying to ignore Aoshi's piercing gaze across the table. He looked for a spot to focus on, his gaze landing on Misao and Kaoru who were both whispering quietly. His eyes danced over her slim figure, his fingertips itching to run through her soft ebony locks once more. He felt like an animal almost…

"Battousai."

He jumped, the book falling to the ground. He began breathing in short huffs, staring at Aoshi in complete shock.

"What did you say?"

The silent boy looked at him strangely.

"I didn't speak, Himura-san."

Kenshin nodded quickly, bending over to pick up the fallen book. _Hallucinations… I'm having insane hallucinations. These weren't really written by Kaoru. I don't feel any connection. I'm eighteen. I'm going to the university_.

He let out a shaky sigh, his gaze wandering back to Kaoru.

**If only we could go back. If only we could be happy once more…**

// _"What's your greatest fear?"_

He watched as she turned to face him, her fearless eyes regarding him carefully. She then stepped forward, taking his large hand into both of hers.

"My greatest fear," she repeated. "My greatest fear is losing all of this. Our friends, the relationships, the good times, and even the bad. I'm afraid to lose the memories." //

_I just want to understand_.

**

"Are you crazy!"

She shook her head, leaning her back against the wall.

"You must be since you were sucking faces with a senior in the middle of the goddamn library so everyone, including the kids who have parents that work with dad, mind you, to see! You've got to be insane. Otou-san's gonna fry him!"

She was trying to listen to her sister, but obviously was failing miserably. Her fingers reached and touched her lips softly.

"Kaoru?"

He was like a sun god from mythology. Hair the color of shoots of fire…

"Ka—or—u?"

His eyes were unmistakably violet, but there were times when they were a gold hue, amber and ready to pounce.

"KAORU!"

She jumped, both her and Misao getting glares from the old librarian.

Misao took her bad the shoulders and spoke in a hiss, "What about otou-san?"

She ignored Misao's voice, words like "boyfriend" and "new kid" plagued her mind.

_I have a boyfriend…_

A boyfriend…

Her eyes widened as suddenly there was a stark realization of what exactly the situation was yet to bring.

_Otou-san's gonna kill him…_

She glanced back at Kenshin.

_I just won't bring him home, I guess._

**

****

Special Thanks To:

**Jason, battousai angel, dementedchris, Hana Himura, Gypsy-chan, Angels Exist, chibi-rinoa, Bunny, macy, Zackire, Leigh, Mako, lyn, Yui-Mag, Smabbi-chan, chibi-angel, and Nemi. **

Even bigger Tys to chibi-angel for beta-reading this. And of course, Smabbi-chan you can host my fic, it helps my ego. ^_^

Teeny-weeny Preview

**Look for Yahiko to make his first appearance in the fic and well, Saitou finds out rather *disturbing* news about his daughter…**

__

AN~ I know, I know. I took too long. I couldn't help it, it's been a really stressful April for me. I *finally* picked the college I wanted and prom's this week. I'm ready to finish all together. *_* Anyhow, I want to pose a question having to do with the next chapter.

Would you rather see:

Half-naked Kenshin, dripping from the shower? Kenshin in boxers or briefs (a whole 'nother discussion in itself)? Total naked Kenshin? 

*points to a blushing Kaoru* She won't help me decided, 'cause I love all three but I decided that I'd let the readers decided this time around. Let me know! 


	6. Pistol Packin' Papa And Other Fabulous T...

****

Standard Disclaimers Apply

Bold- letter(s)

__

Italics- thoughts

//Italics//- flashbacks

****

What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter Five: Pistol Packin' Papa And Other Fabulous Tales 

__

A wolf in sheep's clothing is still a wolf.

Jin-Roh

If she had a dollar for the number of times she had sat in an awkward silence, she'd have a new car by now. Kenshin had his nose buried in a small journal, once in awhile glancing up at her as if he were still trying to believe something about her. It was odd. Really odd, as a matter of fact. They were having all these encounters with emotions of such high intensity and underlying passion. She had never shared such a strong contact with anyone.

It scared her…

…thrilled her…

She wanted more.

Sighing, she reached over and grabbed one of the books from the pile they had acquired for their project. She needed to stop thinking about the last two days. Doing something completely mindless and thoughtless would probably suffice for a few minutes, hours if she were lucky. Hopefully, luck would finally give her a break. Not that she mind kissing Kenshin or anything. _Stop it_, she mentally scolded herself. _Break time. Break t-I-m-e._ She sighed once more and opened the book.

**There are times when I wished that I would have ignored my insecurities and touched you. More hugs, more kisses on the cheek, a simple act of holding hands… The memories don't even calm the satisfaction, but feed my hunger for you. Kaoru, the memories are driving me--- To insanity, I shall never know. I just want you here with me…**

I want to touch you.

I want to bleed for you.

Anything to have you back.

"Kaoru-chan?"

Bile started to rise up her throat. Her ears began to run, the voices of the people around her faded to mere whispers.

//_ "You're the kind of woman that would drive a man insane. He would kill for you. Hunt you down. And when he does I will be there waiting for the both of you. Ready to kill him and ready to make you mine. Even if it takes me several lifetimes. I will make you mine."_ //

"Kaoru?"

She felt a strong hand gripping her arm tightly. She lifted her head up, meeting Kenshin's worried gaze. Specks of amber slowly appeared amidst the violet in his eyes like drops of paint escaping a brush and mixing with another color. Possession. Want. Touch can say so much about one person.But with Kenshin, it was so much more.

"I'm-"

He smiled at her gently, a hint of relief to be able to take a break from reading she guessed. She shivered as his fingers danced softly across her exposed arms.

**I want to touch you.**

"Why don't you come sit next to me? We can actually start taking notes and stuff," he spoke gently. Her eyes closed. She felt like she was inside a trance. She had seen two sides of him, the kind and the gentle when he was around her and then when he was pushed, he was as dangerous an old samurai.

"I have a better idea," she responded quietly, a slow half-smile curving onto her lips. 

"Why don't you come over here?"

**Anything to have you back.**

**

Kira Yamato was very afraid.

He was a decent man with a decent family.

But he was afraid.

His boss was pissed beyond *reason*.

His boss happened to be Haijime Saitou.

The most dangerous…

…not to mention the most feared man…

On the entire planet…

His poor, poor daughters. 

"What do you mean his bail has been posted?"

The young intern stepped back away from the darkened corner, trembling. He could see the faint whirls of smoke coming from the turned chair. He took a deep breath and then straightened up. It was now or never.

"Shogu Amakusa's bail was posted by an anonymous benefactor. It was in the news this morning. The press had made a huge deal to get the story."

Silence.

"Sir, what shall I do?"

Suddenly, the smoke cleared and Yamato swore he could see a glimmer of gold in his superior's eyes. 

"Go," came the quiet and deadly voice. "Use the underground as a source. I'm going to be going to a meeting and then home, so keep me informed."

Yamato nodded and let out a desperate sigh.

He pitied the fool who tried to harm Haijime-san's family.

He pitied the fool even more who tried to date his daughters.

**

"What do you mean you don't have the goddamn book?"

Aoshi watched as Misao growled, ready and willing to jump the smirking old man. He reached out and grabbed her arm, calming her. She had been on edge ever since her conversation with her sister Kaoru. His eyes narrowed. And the old man wasn't helping either.

"Like I said girly, the book would take weeks or even at minimum a month to order. So ya gonna hafta wait, hot stuff."

The old man then proceeded to smack poor Misao in the butt. The smaller girl yelped and angrily rubbed her backside. She glared at the old man.

"Hentai," she hissed. "I could get you in trouble for violating a minor."

// _"HE VIOLATED ME!"_

Tears poured down her eyes as she whirled around to face him. So it was true. She had been… He couldn't even bring himself to speak the word. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He just wanted to kill.

"Well," she hiccuped, violently brushing her tears. "Are you happy now? I guess I can't be your little Misao anymore. Didn't you hear me? Aoshi? *Aoshi*?"

_Tainted._

Never. //

His eyes glazed over as he grabbed the old man by the shirt and hoisted him to his feet against the wall. He wanted to make the man bleed regardless of the fact that he was an elder. Anyone who touched what was his would die…

// _There were only few moments in his life where blood made him sick. He stood by the water, her tiny body cold and unmoving cradled in his sore arms. He kissed her forehead._

"Wait for me," he whispered. "Wait for me so that I might finally tell you the truth." //

"Aoshi, daijoubu! Onegai, he didn't mean anything. Aoshi!"

He let go of the old man, who slumped to the ground he felt Misao's arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him into a warm embrace. _She must think I'm insane or worse yet, some fool with a "dark past". She must pity me. She must-_

"I'm here," Misao whispered gently, bringing him out of his thoughts of despair. He gripped her tightly. Looking for any form of comfort from the insanity that was edging through his mind.

'I'm here…"

**

**I am a man of many pasts. I had a wife. I was a killer. I fought for justice. I fought for pain. But nothing, not even Tomoe, drove me like you. I breathed for you, Kaoru. I would have killed for you.**

I am insane for you.

**

"I want to break up."

She looked sick, he decided.

Quiet…

…deathly pale even…

"Didn't you hear me, Megumi? I said that I want to break up."

She looked like his mother when his father had left them years ago.

Sad…

…lonely and tired…

"I said--"

She looked empty.

Hollow…

…ready to die…

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the feeling of intense fear. He felt like he had been in this same position with her before, so long ago.

"It doesn't matter anyway…"

**

They had went to the park to try to get some fresh air and clear their heads. Being an upperclassman had its advantage, leaving campus for a little bit. It had helped for awhile, both Kaoru and himself had laughed and talked from everything to friends and to what their favorite sports were. It was nice for the both of them, especially with the high level intensity of a connection the two of them shared.

It was just nice to be teenagers.

"So why don't we start with a basic overview of the Meiji Era and the important people who tied in with its hard and successful times?"

He nodded, smiling at Kaoru and taking down some notes.

"That sounds good. Have you found anyone in particular that you really want to focus on? Because you know there are several ways we can present this, you know."

She leaned forward, brushing a stray hair from his face. It was the little things, he decided. The little things were what made her such a fantastic person. He longed to know more. He leaned into her hand, a soft smile gracing his lips.

"I hope that you don't think I'm too forward and granted the circumstances, but I think you're beautiful."

Kaoru blushed, shaking her head.

"What?" He leaned forward, enjoying the reaction he was greeting from her. Obviously, no one really complimented her like this.

"Iie, it's nothing," she giggled.

"Can't take a compliment, huh?"

"Iie, baka. I can, it's just that-" Her eyes closed and the n reopened with a more serious look on her face. He watched her carefully.

**I am insane for you.**

"I just," she tried once more. "I just feel like we've tried doing this before. It's s-"

"WATCH OUT!"

Kenshin jumped, eyes wide and face dripping with ice cream. He could hear random apologies, but nothing seemed to register in his mind. _Ice cream?_

"Kenshin?"

"Gomen ne, sir. Gomen ne!"

_Ice cream?_

"ORO!"

**

His fingers traced over the broken glass as he watched the young couple leave the small bookstore. There had been only one time when he had seen a man so passionate about a woman and ready to kill at the instant, even if it were something so simple as a joke. He could never lose those memories, even if he so desperately wanted too.

// _"She's all I had left, kid. Every godforsaken ounce of my heart belonged to kitsune, even if I never told her. And if I have to go to the depth of hell to get to the next life to tell her, then I will hands down." _//

A man had his battles. A man had his glory. But it was a woman, a wife, in whatever form possible that would bring him his happiness. And if lost, so be the man.

// _"A battle lost is a battle lost," the quiet man spoke. His icy blue eyes watched the violent waters, desperate to plunge. "But my life was her. And when life is lost, so be my own sanity." _//

"Yahiko…"

He sighed and greeted his wife with a tiny smile. He kissed her on her forehead, whispering a small 'aishiteru' Where would he be without her? 

Dead in a gutter… 

In the pits of hell…

Alone?

// _"Kaoru was my reason for breathing."_ //

**

_There's a boy in the house._

He could smell the linger of cologne floating down the stairs as he stood at the base. He could hear the faint sounds of the shower running from his bedroom.

_There's a boy in the house and he seduced one of my daughters._

Saitou swiftly walked up the stairs, taking each step two by two and nearly flew into his bedroom. The smell of Tokio's perfume vaguely calmed him, but then the cologne grew stronger. He reached the entrance to the bathroom door, a large hand ready to rip open the door and tear the imbecile apart, limb for limb.

"Kaoru? Is that you?"

Saitou began to hiss.

"Kaoru, I need my clothes-"

It was then Haijime Saitou snapped.

**

_Um, yeah well… What can I say? I had to cut it off right there. I know I asked the 'burning' question last chapter for this chapter, but it fits more in the next one. You'll understand my reasons why, I promise. It fits with the whole concept of having Saitou as a father. *_* I'd be afraid to bring someone home…_

Anyhow, in the next couple chapters the tone will grow a tad bit serious. It has to do with the reasons why obviously Yahiko remembers somethings and Enishi remembers as well. Expect some rather *cough* interesting moments between our young couples as well. Although, things don't look *too* good for Megumi and Sano… Yes, there will be a happy ending in this story… Eventually… ^_~

****

THANK YOUs

Sweet One, dementedchris, ali-chan, snicket, sync*in, Susan, carlyd, megami no hi, nameless, Bunny, Leigh, Kori Suketchi, Seychella, Robin, Nim, Pattyogreen1981, JML, the Narrator, Mako, jya-chan, and of course my darling beta reader chibi-angel to end. *sniff* I feel so loved.

****

Disclaimer

*glares at Saitou* 

What are you going to do? Arrest me?


	7. The Bath Towel Incident

****

Standard Disclaimers Apply

****

Bold, [**letters**]

//_Italics_//, [_flashbacks_]

__

Italics, [_thoughts, otherwise denoted_]

What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter Six: The Bath Towel Incident 

__

It begins…

…once one has prepared for the worst.

Ryoko Mitsurugi, Samurai Girl Realbout High School

Haijime Tokio considered herself a very lucky woman. She had three beautiful daughters, all excellent students as well as athletes. Her girls were happy, healthy, and they never really let anything take them down. The proud mother had no doubt that whatever was bothering her eldest would be solved by the end of the week. Or that both Kaoru and Misao would return to their cheery selves in matter of time. She had a loving husband to his own right. He was wonderful with the family and as much as he hated to admit, he was a puppy dog. But outside their home, he was someone completely different. She had seen his arrogance and pride mixed with flares of furious reactions based on pure animalistic instincts. She could only image how true the stories she had been told by the wives of the cops under Saitou. 

She smirked. _He's such a bastard sometimes._

She walked through the garage door, her eyes widening at the sight of an open door. The door could only be opened for one of two reasons. The option of her girls would be out of the question, they only came home early rarely on school days. She took a deep breath and noted, _His car was here. So that meant that---_

_Saitou was in a bad mood._

Tokio walked inside the house, gently placing her files and the groceries on top of the table. 

It was quiet. 

Her heart began to race and she willed herself not to panic. She spotted his jacket draped across the couch, a packet of cigarettes visible.

_He must be really angry… The door was wide open, I can *see* his cigarettes… He knows how much the girls and I hate the goddamn things._

"Anata? Tadaima, daijoubu ka?"

She got no response, her voice sounding like an empty echo. This wasn't good at all. She made her way up the stairs. 

The silence was nearly unbearable. 

She finally reached her room, seeing that the door was wide open. Maybe she was hallucinating… Working too hard does that to a person.

There she saw Saitou standing, his eyes narrowed and his lips tightened into a frown. Tokio could practically feel the anger radiating from him. But who wouldn't?

At the-

…half-naked and dripping wet…

Well-chiseled…

  
…Eighteen year-old boy in a towel…

She shook her head, mentally scowling herself for going of on a tangent. She stepped forward, ready to get some answers and smack some sense into her husband. He looked like he was ready to break something.

"Anata," she spoke, reaching for his shoulder. He turned slightly, causing her to jump back. A strange sensation of déja vu crept into her mind. She felt as if she had been here before. 

…faced with this along time ago…

"Woman, my sword."

**

She didn't know whether or not to think that the ice cream was a god or not. A small smirk came to her lips as she opened the kitchen door. 

She'd be first in line to *worship* it.

_I'm beginning to sound like Megumi-chan._

But she was undoubtedly female, so it really didn't hurt for her to drool over, well, Kenshin's gorgeous…

…magnificent…

And *pretty* damn **hot** body…

She could look at it again and again…

She felt the heat rise up to her cheeks, a faint sigh escaping her lips. She really didn't understand why she was getting like this besides the obvious… 

Kenshin was hot and there was nothing else to it. But-

_There's always a but._

There was something else to the connection that she and Kenshin shared. She glanced over at their stuff atop the kitchen table, failing to notice a that a new set of keys had joined. She walked over the small notebook she had found in the library amongst the books she had gotten for the project. Kaoru closed her eyes, letting image after image assault her.

…a red-haired man, with a comforting smile…

…amber then violet, violet then amber…

…laughter and tears…

…insanity…

She jolted back from the small book, breathing heavily. None of this made sense. 

The letters…

The dreams…

None of iit seemed plausible. 

The last couple days had shown her that the Kenshin she was starting to know was wonderful. He made her laugh, she could sit and enjoy his company without any restrictions, and most importantly she felt at home with him oddly enough.

_Thump._

Kaoru turned to the stairs. "Kenshin?"

She heard soft footsteps walk down the hallway to her parents bedroom. She raised an eyebrow, turning to gather Kenshin's now ice cream free clothing. She noticed her mother's keys on the table. _Strange_, she mused. _I was gone for awhile, so Kenshin must be out of the shower. And even if 'kaasan had seem him, she wouldn't be the type to react. Unless…_

She reached the stairs, eyes widening at the sight of her father's jacket draped across the banister.

_Uh-oh…_

**

****

Mine.

He stared at the man.

****

Mine.

He would claim her.

****

Mine.

Haijime Saitou's eyes narrowed as he slowly slid into a ridged fighting stance. It was as if the two men were allowing whatever chilling presence that occupied the room, which even Kaoru and Tokio seemed powerless to stop. A low growl escaped Saitou's lips.

"I won't let you have the girl, Battousai."

Kenshin chuckled. "It isn't your place to decide. She belongs to me."

****

Even if it takes me lifetimes, I will have you. Just as much as I belong to you, Kaoru, you undoubtedly belong to me. I will have you.

"It'll be the same story, _Battousai_. You'll hurt her and she'll die. History repeats itself, or are you in so much denial that you refuse to accept that the girl isn't going to come to you," Tokio hissed, stepping forward to join her husband. She placed a hand on his shoulder, handing him a clothed object.

"I won't stand in the way of my husband if he decides to kill you."

****

They will not take you away from me. We will have our chance. I will make sure of it.

Kenshin's eyes flashed a brilliant amber as he took a defensive stance. He had no choice, being there with no means of defending himself. 

Except his speed.

"Okaasan?"

His eyes narrowed. So, his woman was here. He watched as Saitou lowered himself into the all too familiar position of his gatotsu. 

The Battousai would take back what was his.

**

Misao watched Aoshi quietly from the corner of her eye. She didn't know what was worse, her near-panic in front of the hentai old man or sudden nervousness around the senior. It was stirring a lot of emotions she didn't know how to deal with.

_All of this is so strange. I feel like I'm supposed to understand this and to embrace it without questioning. But there is this part of me, deep inside, longing for answers and for whatever is plaguing my mind to be finish. I feel like I should know what's going on…_

"Aoshi-senpai?" 

He turned to look at her, eyes softening from the blank look he wore ever since they had left the history shop downtown. "Hai?"

She suddenly felt like a small child seeking comfort from someone who was unwilling to give it. _I'm a fool_, she mused bitterly._ I'm a fool for thinking that he'd understand me._ "Never mind."

Misao felt Aoshi grabbed her arm, an overwhelming sense of ease coming over her. He wanted to know what was wrong with her. She shivered.

_Didn't he care? _

**

__

AN: Hello everybody. Before my head gets severely decapitated, I would like to tell you all why I'm splitting this chapter up into two parts. The first reason being that this is the last humor based chapter that you shall be seeing. It's not the end of the humor, [^_^;;] but I will be taking one of my infamous dark turns. That wonderful turn will include why Enishi still holds a grudge after all these years and why everyone in the cast, 'specially the women where so brutally murdered.

Reason two has to do with me wanting to perfect the art of *cough* stripping a bath towel. I just need to perfect the big scene…

I'd also like to take this time to tell Jason-chan that he and my mother must share the same brain. I'm not mad about the review you gave me for Man'yoshu, I actually thought it was funny that someone really pointed out that I had made a bad typo at the same time my mother was telling me that I need to get some sleep otherwise *whatever* I was writing would make seem dyslexic. Oddly, enough thank you Jason-chan for allowing me to make a very strange parallel with my mother. ^_^;;; Me thinks I've been watching too much General Hospital…

****

Thank Yous

_Jason-chan *chuckles then giggles*, Vesca, Seychella, sync*in, Pneumatic Angel *another chuckle*, dementedchris, Hana Himura, Linay, Messi, Nim, Chibigreenwizardmon, Kori Suketchi, macy, l.k., Battousai angel, omochi, Zackire, Smabbi-chan *giggles mysteriously*, Miriel Jewel-maid, *kawaii* Mako-chan, and my wonderful not to mention awesome editor chibi-angel who's in the dark about my evil plans as the rest of you. Merci!_

__


	8. The Bath Towel Incident: Madness

****

STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY

__ __ ****

What Keeps Us Alive

Chapter Six: The Bath Towel Incident---Part Two

//_italics_//- Flashbacks

__

Italics- Thoughts and other amusing concepts

****

Bold- The letters

__

The deathless stars are bright above;

If I would cross the shade of night,

Within my heart is the lamp of love,

And that is day!

And the moon will smile with gentle light

On my golden plumes where'er they move;

The meteors will linger round my flight,

And make night day.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Obsession.

A reason enough for one man to come beyond the grave to finish something that had not been ended on his terms. Obsession was his own desperate reason to live, to breathe. He was nothing without it. Enishi placed a hand on the cold glass of the car window, his eyes falling the blurred scenes as they were passed by. 

He wanted to win so badly.

It didn't matter that he had lost his means of family. It didn't matter that he had lost his sanity. What mattered was he would get his prize, regardless if she loved him or not. 

She had now fed the desire even by the simplest bat of her eyes.

He brought his hands to his forehead, rubbing his fingers in slow circles to stop the throbbing that was surfacing in his head. He hadn't always remembered the past, but then again he never really paid attention to the future. His parents had shipped him off to boarding school ever since he could remember, preferring to indulge themselves in parties, the drinks and the jewels, along with the money. It was then years later, his first year of high school, where he had started to experiment with the hard drugs. He found a perverse sort of solace with that specific crowd. At first he had thought it had been the loneliness that had pushed him towards the drugs, but then it he began to realized it was something so much more.

It was then when the dreams started followed by the hospitalization after the accident with his parents-the fire to be more precise. Twisted of images of numerous bodies---women, men, and children all burned, beaten, and bloodied. And in the center of it all was a man with hair the color of fresh blood and eyes the color of a roaring fire with a body of a small women, hair of midnight and her last facial expression one of infinite sadness with her sapphire-colored eyes bleak of any light. It was then, that very dream, that very look, that very scream of insane agony from the red-haired man did he remember.

And he killed them all

-the women.

Then drove the men insane.

"A prize indeed," he whispered, his voice echoing against the silence of the car. This time he would not carelessly throw away---This woman, Kaoru was as precious as ever. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, dialing a number.

He paused and then spoke, "Go on as planned."

She would be the one to end his madness.

**

**The days have begun to seem longer, Kenshin. My heart grows weary of the waiting… It's not that I have lost faith in you that I will always have, it's more of me losing a part of my sanity. Yuikishiro-san has not come near me yet and I am thankful for the chance to remain at a distance. His eyes are like the eyes of a demon. Sometimes I can see a glimmer of the sad little boy in his eyes, but then as quickly as it is seen, the anger and obsession return as replacements. I am afraid that if I continue to stay here, he's going to force me to try and give up my very soul.**

And I am afraid Kenshin that I might have resort to some other means, if eventually it comes to this. There would be no other way. 

**I feel like I'm drowning…**

**

Strange.

Strangely terrifying.

There was something in the air. It was as if a lingering force was somehow possessing her parents. It was almost the same scenario with Megumi only days earlier…

//_ "It's as if I'm watching one of those black and white films. Everything is slow, but at the same time unpredictable," Megumi began._

Kaoru bit her lip, watching her sister's eyes glaze over as if her mind was leaving her body into nothing more than a shell. Almost like she was trapped between to worlds. She sat down on Megumi's bed, sliding closer to her sister and waiting for her to continue.

"This woman, me in a strange sense, is so sad and so tired of just being left behind. Of all the empty promises… Of all the good-byes… So when the chance to just end all is presented to her, I mean me, I-she just takes it…"

Megumi's eyes darkened. "He left me and I wanted to punish him for it. I wanted to make him hurt as I did when he left me.

Megumi began to sob and never in her life had Kaoru felt so helpless. She knew all she could do was listen. She pulled Megumi into her arms and began to hum a nameless song, hoping to at least soothe the violent sobbing of her sister.

"They were never this bad… Right? I mean we had the scary ones when we were kids. Are we normal? It seems rather silly to being so frighten by these dreams… So silly…" //

…And then later her conversation with her mother…

// _"You think she'll be alright, mama?"_

Kaoru waited quietly for a response as her mother shut the door to Megumi's room. The older woman linked her arm threw her own and led her to a quieter part of the house.

"All of you girls are strong. Megumi's just stressed out. You know how she gets during crucial parts of the school year. She's going to attend the university in less that four months. Your sister has definitely inherited your father's perfectionist genes."

Normally, she'd laugh at her mother's snide remarks about her father but she couldn't shake the feeling in the pit of her stomach. There *was* something wrong. Horribly wrong. Her sister was one of the most confident people she had ever know. Smart and completely capable of taking care of herself. She loved her boyfriend and her family. But never had she seen her sister in a state of mind close to a child's.

"Kaoru, don't worry about it. Onegai, I'm sure she'll be fine…"

Her mother never brushed things like these off.

Something was definitely wrong. //

Kaoru finally found her voice, stepping forward carefully. "Okaasan, otousan---What's going on?" She stepped closer to the scene, eyes downcast, afraid that if she looked she would surrender to whatever was lurking in the room.

"Kaoru-chan," responded the quiet voice of her mother. "Onegai, just go wait outside. We'll be done in here soon, I promise you. He won't hurt you again."

Her blue eyes widened and her neck snapped up. _Hurt me? _She turned her gaze onto the man in the corner, one hand holding up the small white towel that covered up the remaining parts of his body. _This is too weird…_

"This ends now, tanuki. I'm not going to stand around and watch Battousai destroy another woman because of his selfishness."

Kaoru watched in horror as Kenshin growled at her father, his eyes glowing a fierce amber. She groaned, her hands flying up to her head. _I'm seen this before… Somehow… But that can't be, papa and Kenshin had never met until now--- No matter how embarrassing this is. _Kaoru could not help but fear the rising sense of panic.

"Onegai, Kaoru… I know you love him and I know my husband and you haven't exactly on the greatest of terms… Demo, just let this be. Let the Battousai go. You are better off without him---"

//_ She watched in horror as Kenshin struggled to keep himself on steady ground. Never in her life had she'd ever been this scared. She had invited the man into her home, figuring that he was an old acquaintance or one of the many idiots here to offer Kenshin a job._

I can't take this anymore! //

"Onegai… stop, just stop… Stop this madness!"

Her body shook with violently powerful sobs, causing her to fall to her knees. Her hands were shaking, her body trembling with emotions she had no idea how to understand. Everything was so wrong. It was as if her life, her world had been pushed off kilter.

Her hands flew to her head. Voices, faces, and places made circles in her mind. She began to feel dizzy, suffocated. Strands of her ebony hair fell limp against the ground as she struggled to maintain a control over her lack of sanity.

"Kaoru," she heard her mother's faint voice. "It's going to be okay." 

_No_, her mind screamed as her subconscious forced her to a standing position. _Everything is full of lies…_

"Tanuki," her father growled. "Get back."

// _"Foolish woman. He'll only hurt you, he could even kill you. You have this one opportunity, take it goddamn it!"_

Her hands clenched into fists.

"What would you know, Saitou? Your opinion's only going on your interactions with Kenshin and our mindless crossings. You. Barely. Know. Me." //

It was a struggle to keep her eyes open, the pain to intense for her to handle. Her arms began to lose the strength and the will to hold her body up.

// _"He loves me," her voice whispered, watching as the taller man let out a maddening chuckle. It was almost as if she was convincing herself instead of her captor._

The man leaned forward, jade eyes gleaming like a predator.

"I will take what is mine." //

It was at that moment when her very will gave out, she found herself in the arms of Kenshin and her gaze on her very pissed off parents.

"Let her go, Battousai." Saitou's lean form[,] returned into the ridge stance of his unique form of the gatotsu. 

A deep chuckle left Kenshin's throat. "And what good would you do, Saitou? She's going with me. And as far as I'm concerned, you can go shove it where the sun don't shine."

Kaoru couldn't tell what happened next. The striking image of her father coming at her with his great-grandfather's sword or the scream of her mother or a towel flying up into the air.

But whatever it was, she was soon greeted by black.

**

**I've lost my sanity. I don't even understand how I'm forming coherent sentences, Kaoru. Maybe it's because I still hold onto that hope that you might still be out there, alive and well.**

Aoshi-san broke the news of your disappearance to Misao, today. I don't think I have ever seen someone so heartbroken, let alone hear someone show how much pain they were going through. She attacked me and I took it, as the Battousai, as the Rurouni, and then simply as Kenshin. I deserved every hit---

**

"Daijoubu ka?"

Misao sighed, grabbing her books out of Aoshi's car and avoiding any eye contact with the older boy.

"Hai," she lied. Misao wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers of her bed and sleep through the entire weekend. Then maybe all these weird feelings would go away and leave her alone. "Arigato for the ride home. I could have walked home, it was a nice day today."

"You're avoiding the topic," countered Aoshi.

She said nothing, walking quickly up the path to the front door, very aware that her partner was indeed following her. Why the hell did he have to pick today out of all days to be persistent? Or even talk when she had nothing to say?

"Just leave it be," she spoke softly, wringing her hands nervously. "I'll call you when I get the timeline finished." Misao rumbled through her purse. "I'll call, not like-"

Misao turned around to motion Aoshi to come inside. Atop of Kayaku High's most renowned serious student and captain of the soccer team, lay a small bath towel still wet from the owner's shower. 

Aoshi looked pissed beyond comprehension. His hair clung to his face and the corner of his lips turned downward into a frown. The front of his school uniform was drenched, giving her a tiny peek of his muscular chest.

She didn't know whether or not to drool like a typical teenager…

Or laugh hysterically.

But she didn't have the time to do either. Before she could prepare herself to respond soundly, a large blur knocked her down onto the grass of the front lawn. Her eyes widened.

**

****

The Many Thank Yous

To every single one of you. Your support means so much. Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I'd write all the names down, but laziness prevents me from doing so. ^_^;; Special thanks to my fantastic editor chibi angel. Your such a brilliant help to me. And to my mother, who's completely paranoid that I'm writing stories about her non-existent attitude problem. It's completely worth mentioning. 

****

The Lame Question and Answer Sessions

__

Also dutifully known as "When Eve mushies important questions together and gets…"

Okay, so I do have a reasonable excuse for the long period of waiting for you all. *clears throat* I GRADUATED!! Sorry, just happy that I'm done high schooling for a short period of time. I'm basking in all the glory, don'tcha know.

Anyhow, few things that do need to be address as of thus far. Yes, that's Kenshin's towel on top of Aoshi's head. I really couldn't help myself. *giggles* Straight face, yes well I couldn't help it! Could ya blame me? Onward to bigger issues, I am in now way *trying* to drive Kaoru, Misao and/or Megumi insane. I adore them all, especially Kaoru. I just want people to really grasp the emotional gravity of the situation at hand. Yes, they did die horribly. But what drove them and the present situation at that time is something that is obviously really, really bad… I plan to address it somehow in the next couple chapters with a lot of the plot finally picking up. But I will guarantee an *entire* chapter without flashbacks that is devoted to the actually events. I'm excited.

Ah yes, and the letters. Right now, their purpose is to confuse the hell outta everybody. J/k, actually they're trying to give more color to the boat load of emotions I've got kicking around the place. That and well, scaring the crap out of Kenshin and Kaoru. Their purpose will lie more on guidance, but that's a coming later.

Enishi's purpose has become a little darker than I originally intended to. But I do like bastardizing him for some godforsaken reason. I do feel bad when I do, so don't lynch me. A cruel author with a heart. ^_^ About his role I'll just say something to this degree, he's not a genius kid running the mob. Yes he did all those horrible things and yes, he does use people unmercilessly.

And lastly, the final commentary, Shogo and Saitou/Tokio's roles. I was bloody pissed at the end of Shogo's lovely lil' story. For me, it seemed too damn easy to end like that! I did swoon over the K+K WAFF, but I wanted to smack Shogo and strangle Sayo most of the damn time. Jesus, a villain without a backbone. He got over his demons or well better, he got a second chance at the snap of someone's fingers. My lil' rant there, I apologize really. But ye, Shogo is evil in this story and Sayo well I don't know what exactly I'm going to do with her yet. Put it this way. I feel the same way about Sayo as do I feel about Sylvia Noventa from GW. And I *blew* Sylvia to pieces in my last fic.

MEGUMI RULES!!

*coughs* Graduation hysteria…

Lastly, Saitou and Tokio also share a major role. Tokio's is interesting really, she falls into the same category as the other girls in terms of knowing, but she does have some feelings of her own. Saitou's role can only be explained in one phrase:

Saitou's well, Saitou.

*shrugs*

What can you do…. I hoped I've honestly answer the big chunk of questions. If not drop me a line and I'd be happy to answer questions…. Review to your hearts content!


	9. Sleep to Dream interlude

_Author's Note: Before anything is started I want to make a clear warning to all of you dear readers, this interlude is completely bizarre on purpose. Yes, there is a purpose for this part. I promise that you will find out.  I just want to make one thing clear before anything starts, Kaoru is in a state of unconsciousness due to the events that have transpired with Saitou and Tokio. Kenshin is just really confused… ^^;; I will continue this rant afterwards. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: No, I don't. I'd be a very wealthy woman if I did. Common sense, I guess. _

What Keeps Us Alive 

Interlude: Sleep to Dream

_//-//: Since the bold might not come out, subconscious thoughts._

_~-~: With the possibility of the italics not coming out, dreams… For those who have no deductive skills like myself when your ready fics at two in the morning._

_I have been locked in your heart shaped box for 'bout a week._

_- Nirvana_

There always had been a certain loneliness that snuck up in her heart every now and then. A feeling like she was always missing something. A feeling of longing. To want something that she lost, but had no idea how to find.

Tonight she would wander again. Tonight everything would be unlocked. 

Tonight Kaoru would dream. 

**

_Lost. Cold. Alone. Hopeless. Empty. Dark._

Where was she? 

_Where was Kenshin? The others?_

_Her fingers traced along her body to check for any injuries that could have been possibly sustained. _

_Torn. Warm. Sticky. Blood. _

_A large gash to her right side. _

_Obvious sword injury. Warm. Sticky. Blood._

_Where was she?_

_Alone._

_Lost._

_Kaoru struggled to open her eyes, only to be greeted by absolute darkness. She shivered, a small whimper of pain escaping her lips. Void. Warm. Sticky. Blood._

_What happened?_

_How did she get here?_

_Releasing her grip on her injury, she began to feel around like a blind woman for any single of where she was. Any clue, even the slightest at all. Scared. Lonely. _

_Lost. _

_Her lips began to quiver. //**Get a grip. Fight.// **_

****

**_//You've gotten this far.// _**__

_Wood. Wall. Shack?_

_She began to her footsteps coming towards her direction, her heart pounding loudly against her ribcage. She could practically smell her own fear. Lost. Empty. Warm. Sticky. Blood. Dark. The footsteps came to a stop and she could hear the sounds of a door opening. Boots. Male._

_"Well look who's awake. I trust your stay has been well so far?"_

_Male. Deep voice. Leering. Taunting. Shadow. Evil. She whimpered. _

_Enishi. _

_The bastard had kidnapped her and she could see. Too dark. Too cold. Her blood was the only warmth available. She tried to push herself up to her feet, but quickly fell to her knees with the dirt and the pebbles scratching her body. Pain. Feeling. Dark._

_"…ho-me…"_

_Her throat was dry and hurt. Everything burned. She couldn't see._

_"Iie," came the murmured reply. "This is your home now. You will stay here until I feel it necessary for you to go."_

_Panic began to seep through her brain as she realized the predicament she had been placed in. She tried to push herself up to her feet, but fell again. Shadow. Cold. Alone. Void._

_"…ho-me…Ken-s-hi-n…"_

_A low chuckle. Tired. So damn tired. Scared. Insanity._

_"You will not live to see Battousai."_

_Footsteps leaving. Door slammed. Body hurts. Mind hurts. She welcomed the pain. Feeling. Anything. Nothing._

**_//You will not live to see Battousai.//_**

****

"K-en-shi-n… Onegai… I don-don't want to-be le-f-t…" 

**_//Alone._**

****

**_You do not want to die alone.//_**

****

****

**

He was trapped. 

Lost. 

He didn't understand who he was supposed to be. 

Kenshin. Then. Now. Before. After. Battousai. 

Who? 

Where? 

When was he supposed to understand these feelings?

Kenshin watched the sleeping girl on his bed toss and turn, completely unsure as to how deal with her. Every time he meant to reach out to her, he always found himself drawling back. Fear? Possibly. But he wanted to understand. He wanted to know why…

Who was she?

**_//Kaoru._**

****

**_Your Kaoru.// _**

****

But why?

**

_She was undeniably beautiful._

_Even in the state of death, Kaoru had this glow about her. Long ebony tress fell against the dirt with the pools of blood glimmering in the moonlight. Her eyes were closed and her expression calm, as if she had been expecting the brutal blow that had led to her death._

_Kaoru was dead. Gone. Lost to him._

_His fault._

**_//My fault. Gone. My fault.//_**

****

His will was gone. His heart was gone. His every reason for living and subsequently for fighting was gone. Dead.

_His fault._

**_//My fault. She's dead. Gone. My fault.//_**__

_He kneeled down next to her body, not caring about the burning he was feeling from the dirt and pebbles. He ached to touch her. He ached to feel the smoothness of her skin one last time. There would be no warmth. But at least he could let himself indulge in his first and last._

_"I will deny you, Battousai. You will never have her again."_

//Kaoru…// 

_He clenched his hands into fists. He would avenge her death. He would end his wandering days. He kneeled forward, fingers grazing over her hair, her face, and then her hands. Hands smooth and soft…_

_Kaoru had very bad calluses she had acquired from training with Yahiko earlier in the week._

//Kaoru… 

****

Alive… 

**_I am a man of many pasts. I had a wife. I was a killer. I fought for justice. I fought for pain. But nothing, not even Tomoe, drove me like you. I breathed for you, Kaoru. I would have killed for you._**

**_I am insane for you._**

**_I will find you.//_**

**

There were times when it wasn't so bad. Times like when her father would show a smile or two to reassure her that the nightmares were just dreams that she was having. But she started to feel violated almost. Exposed.   
  
She was lost without her invisible protection. 

**

"At least you're not fighting me, now."

_She jumped from her place on the balcony and glared. She tried to hind a wince of pain from some of the injuries she still had from the week of hell earlier._

_"I didn't exactly have much choice, did I?"_

_Her eyes narrowed at him, not exactly sure what to make of him yet. She didn't trust him, that was a given. But she was confused as to how she should react to him. One moment all she saw was this lost little boy, scared and lonely. Then there were the other times when she saw a derange ass as well, it was probably because of this that she didn't lose her focus at hand. She needed to get out._

_How though?_

_How could she escape?_

_Kaoru turned to face Enishi, eyes narrowed in complete determination. This would do for now._

_"Yuikishiro-san?"_

_There was a snort from the tall man as he leaned closer to her, emerald eyes full of curiosity. This would be the first time she'd even initiated conversation. Step one to getting his trust._

_"Kaoru, I told to drop the formalities."_

**_//A little hard when you practically tried to starve me, let alone kill me.//_**_ She sighed, inching closer so that she could see his eyes. Amusement. He was amused. //**Ass.//**_

_"I want a journal."_

_Frank. To the point. Voice didn't waver. She was not afraid._

_"Nani?"_

_Amused._

_"Well," she began. "I need to occupy my time somehow. I. Want. A. Journal."_

_He nodded, obviously seeing the need to please her._

_And so the letters began…_

_**_

Author Ramblings:

            I know, I know it's been awhile. I blame it on my new Harry Potter fix. I'm addicted… ^^ But what can I say, with that and school's just incredibly overwhelming sometimes. Japanese class is driving me crazy since my professor's an ass and well, summer was incredibly hectic and what not. Anyhow, I could go on and on but that'll be boring. Thanks once again to my beta reader, chibi-angel for being such a wonderful dear and putting up with my "weirdness" as of now. ^^ Thank you to those who have stuck throughout the entire story so far, you're in for a ride…

            All right then, onward with the ever-so important explanations of the "future" of this story. ^^ I know some people are thinking that I'm going to make them remember very soon, so I want to squash all rumors. I'm going to enjoy torturing them for awhile… -_- Anyhow, I promise I will be spitting chapters out faster since I'm kinda used to the college thing now. Physics sucks…

            So review, and make me an incredibly happy author!


	10. The Games We Play

STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY  
  
  
  
Dedicated to all those non-towel Kenshin fans... For your vast imaginations and entertainment. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
What Keeps Us Alive  
Chapter Seven: The Games We Play  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You gave him your blood  
And your warm little diamond.  
He likes killing you after you're dead  
Tori Amos  
  
  
"bold"- letters  
"italics"- thoughts  
//italics//- flashbacks  
  
  
  
He comes and goes most of the day. It's odd that every time he tries to make conversation with me, he stops and looks up and then goes. I don't understand Yuikishiro-san sometimes...  
  
Maybe it's this place.   
  
It's maddening, you know.   
  
The wind only blows in certain areas and flowers stop growing once the path to the house starts. I can see it through the window here, my only view to the outside world. Madness.  
  
It's only madness.  
  
And I'm not even in the shed anymore...  
  
This place is made for forgetting. Desolate and alone, but what I don't understand is why me? If he knows that I have such strong feelings for you, then why did he bring me here?   
  
I could never forget you, Kenshin...  
  
**  
  
He really didn't understand it.   
  
Then again, she always did manage to confuse him.   
  
Tomoe was an easily understandable woman. He could see her emotions clear and crystal cut. He knew her motives and her lies. He saw her intentions both good and bad. And he had loved her, she had been the first who had tried to touch him. But then in the end, she had driven him into madness, intentionally or not. But he had seen...  
  
Kaoru on the other hand, was a matter onto herself.   
  
Exceptionally beautiful, yes.  
  
Irritatingly confusing, without a doubt.  
  
The woman, his woman had this frightening sharp intuition. Never once had she ever been wrong about any situation that had been placed before them. She was quick-witted and knew her own faults. She had this innocence that he found immensely attractive, but in truth it was mixed with an aged mystery. His Kaoru had many secrets that he wished to unwrap and discover for himself.  
  
But he was still confused...  
  
His eyes closed and he sighed. He remembered finding her body and yet, here she laid before him with her hair strewed about her and her eyes closed.  
  
She hadn't recognized him.  
  
The look that she had given him back in his confrontation with Mibu's Wolf and his mate was maddening. It kept pushing at him, taunting and teasing-   
  
His woman.   
  
His own woman... did not recognize him and he had no damn idea to why. He leaned forward, his gaze intense. He wanted to know why all of this was happening.  
  
Why had Kaoru referred to Saitou and his wife as her parents?  
  
Why had she been afraid of him?  
  
Why had she not recognized him?  
  
"Uh---Kenshin..."  
  
He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.  
  
"Kenshin...."  
  
Her eyes fluttered open.  
  
**  
  
"How long have you known?"  
  
She could recognize the anger in his voice all too well. Anger laced with stress. Anger laced with fear. Anger laced with obsession. Anger and pain. Haijime Saitou could not hide these things from her, in this life and the previous. They both knew the extent of their bound. Now, it was a matter of protecting the three girls who had become her daughters. Her own flesh and blood.   
  
"She would have gone to him regardless," she responded quietly. She turned her back towards him, ignoring the briefest flash of pain that crossed her husband's face. Emotions were scarce with him, but when he did show them in the slightest of ways, she could not begin to describe the effects of one simple smile and even one frown.  
  
"You're avoiding the topic at hand, woman," he growled, inching closer to her position at the window. "You know how I-"  
  
"Oh goddamn it!"  
  
She slammed her hand against the wall, ignoring the pain that was creeping through her skin. Tokio was breathing heavily and her eyes were shut tightly. Overgrown prat, she thought. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. He would pull another ridiculous fight out of her.  
  
"First off Haijime-san, I am your wife. I'm glad that you are completely capable of recognizing the fact that I belong to the opposite sex."  
  
He made a motion to interrupt, but she held up her hand to silence him. Obviously, he had forgotten that when she was pissed, she was pissed. She sighed. He better grovel when we're done with this one.  
  
"Secondly," she began again. "Whatever relationship you had with Battousai-san back then, is far from being applied now. Unless you're not telling me something, I suggest you sit and calm the hell down."  
  
He sighed, turning away from her. Tokio's eyes softened and she walked closer, wrapping her arms around his lean waist. She listened to him breathe, hoping that some silence would get him to talk. But then again, her husband was always be a brute when it came to sharing how he felt with her.   
  
"They're my girls," he murmured, taking her into his arms. "My children. Back then... When... Well, I was never home to even... I was never a good father to the boys. And with the girls, I can come home. I can be a good father. But now..."  
  
"Anata..."  
  
"Iie, I'm serious... I-"  
  
She bit back the tears that were threatening to fall. Tokio reached up and gently brought his face down to look at her. "Anata, you're a good father. You've always been. The girls adore you, even though you can be a prick."  
  
He chuckled, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "What would I do without you to keep me grounded, woman?"  
  
"You know it's taking every ounce of my body not to smack you senseless."  
  
He snorted and Tokio's eyes softened. She sighed. "Anata. I guess the thing that's left..."  
  
The all too familiar feral look reappeared on her husband's face.  
  
"We start from the beginning."   
  
**  
  
I could never begin to understand why in fact you were with me, Kaoru. I didn't deserve you, you were far to good for me. I don't understand why you stayed... I am everything that you didn't need. Death, desire, hate... Kaoru, I am murderer.  
  
You needed someone who could love you properly.   
  
And obviously, I couldn't...  
  
**  
  
She could smell sandalwood. Potent. Almost comforting. A soft sigh escaped her lips. She shifted. Pillows. Flannel blanket. Warmth. Bed. Mom likes linen, Misao does too...and Megumi's got those funky-feeling sheets. She licked her lips, eyes fluttering open. Her vision was fuzzy and she struggled to find a stable-sitting position.  
  
"You're awake."  
  
Where am I?  
  
She pushed herself back. "Where-Oh my God!"  
  
Kaoru shot off the bed like her hair was on fire, covering her eyes and praying that she wasn't going to start blushing madly.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
She hissed, her hands covering her face. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. He's asking me what's wrong! Can't he see? Okay, so it wasn't every day that the hottest senior in school was stark naked in front of her, but still...  
  
"Could you put some, well, some clothes on?"  
  
He chuckled. "I could."  
  
Her eyes widened behind her hands. He thinks this is a game. He's probably trying to get me back for Dad nearly killing him... But still, I'm not at home. So why am I here...in his house? Why doesn't he have any clothes on?  
  
"I never thought you to be shy, Kaoru," Kenshin spoke, his voice laced with obvious amusement. She heard him take a step closer.  
  
"I'm not," she managed to spit out. "You are...you just... Please, at least put a towel on? Just something. Please."  
  
There was a shuffle and rustle, so she assumed he was complying with her simple request. She began to relax. Maybe he's just two-sided... Like Dad almost...  
  
"Do you trust me, Kaoru?"  
  
What?  
  
"I...I guess."  
  
"Good." Gentle hands grabbed her by the wrists. She sighed, feeling him inch nearer. Sandalwood. Kaoru cocked open one eye and blushed. Kenshin was standing a matter of inches away from her, amber eyes staring into her own. His mouth slowly curved up into a sensual smirk and he pinned her wrists above her head.  
  
"Do you trust me, Kaoru?"  
  
He lowered his lips to her neck without waiting for a response. She whimpered softly as his lips grazed her neck. Velvet. He nibbled an ear. Oh god... The scent of sandalwood was invading her senses to a maximum. He kissed her nose. Each eye lid. Twice. The side of her mouth.  
  
"Ken-shin."  
  
She could feel him smile against her. She moaned softly as she felt his tongue dart out and caress the surface of her lips.  
  
"Say my name, Kaoru," he spoke huskily. He released her wrists from his grasp, pinning her body against the wall with his own.  
  
"Open your eyes."  
  
No.  
  
His lips were about a fraction away from her own. In. Out. In. Out. Very slowly, she cracked her eyes open.  
  
"Do you trust me, koi?"  
  
Gentle, soothing... Trust me. Just a fraction. She brought a hand up to his face, tender fingers brushing against his face. His eyes closed and he sighed, as if he were trying to savor the moment.  
  
"Yes," she breathed. "Yes, I do trust you."  
  
"Then why," he whispered, eyes opening and a haunted look appearing.   
  
Breathe.  
  
"Why don't you remember me?"  
  
Kaoru's eyes shot open. "Ken-"  
  
But he had already fallen to his knees.  
  
**  
  
The room smelled like death. Reeking. Hollow. To a certain extent, he felt slightly taken at back. There was no honesty in death. No hope.  
  
"Almost perfect," he murmured. "Almost..."  
  
"Then it's not to your liking?"  
  
Enishi looked up, startled. Piercing green eyes held him steady. They seemed to know his intentions, however closed he thought they might be. He sat down, picking up a book and began to leaf through it.  
  
"Let's get this one thing clear," he began. His lips curved into a dangerous smirk. He had to assert who was the top in this. "I was the one who had you released. I brought you into this world again. I'm letting you play..."  
  
"Ah, so you are... But do you really think you have that much control?"  
  
Enishi hissed at the blow, but then regained his composure. He looked at his companion, his lips curving back into a smile. "Do you know how it feels?"  
  
"I don't understand," came the response.  
  
"It feels empowering," Enishi continued, leaning back. "It feels empowering to know that I took away the one thing that kept his sanity in check. I took away the woman he loves..."  
  
There was a dry chuckle.  
  
He ignored it. "It feels even better that I can take it away again."  
  
**   
  
  
Author's Corner... The Thanks and The Ramblings:  
  
Koneko-chan: Once again, thanks so much for the lovely review. I'm very happy you are enjoying the story.  
  
Red Ninja: Thanks... College has that irritating tendency to overload you with things that are really too stupid to do.  
  
Kawaii Hoshi: Hope this settles you... ^_~  
  
Demon Wolf: Sadly, no one has given me pictures yet. *cough* That would be nice though... Eve would love pictures... *shakes head out of daze* Hope you like non-towel claded Kenshin!  
  
Linay: *blushes* Thank you for the compliments. So sorry, I haven't reviewed you in awhile. Must get back on track...  
  
Dark Elf Gurl, Evil Karyta: Thank you!  
  
Kiriko: Do you see hallucinations too? *grins*  
  
Kaoru Himura!: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy the story thus far. To answer your question, I will explain later why Saitou remembers what he does... And Kenshin, for now doesn't know what's going on... He's just slipping into Battousai and having no knowledge to what he's doing.  
  
himura_li: I'm glad you two enjoy it. Thank you.  
  
Shunu No Miko, test, KitKat, Shadow_Flame: Thanks.  
  
jaded: Thank you. No, the position is closed but thanks for the offer.  
  
dementedchris: Welcome. *blushes* Always one with the compliments...*blushes again* Damn this Fruits Basket kick. Oh, Sano and Megumi are coming back soon...In a big, big way...  
  
Leigh: Thank you. I love this story to pieces. College just sucks sometimes... Explanations will come in time my dear... I'm going to be evil about it too... Oh, Saitou and Kenshin will have plenty of other opportunities to fight. Don't worry.  
  
Mr./Ms. Blank Reviewer, lizzie, valthestampede, Izi-chan, Chibi-Miffy: Merci.  
  
Jason: Thanks... There's going to be big hints dropping soon...  
  
butterflygirl: Please don't commit ritual suicide. That would definitely be sad... And I'm reaching the heart of the story...Thanks!  
  
Bunny: The towel is going to make its appearance in the next chapter. Its agent demanded a break from the abuse it was getting.   
  
Nezumi Himura: Thanks for the interest in the story. ^^ I'm glad you enjoy it. Makes me happy!  
  
Frog Bunny: I confuse the hell out of myself too sometimes... It'll get better though, I promise.  
  
SakuraCherryBlossom: Kawaii... It's okay... Just as long as you think you can handle it. Be good though. ^_~ I love CCS. Have the magna and the anime series on DVD. Touya is totally hot. Heero is hot, too. I like Relena because... hmmm... I can't remember. But she does grow on you, if you think things and the situations through.  
  
  
  
Happy New Year! Hope yours is full of good things! My present to all of you is this chapter and hopefully you enjoyed it. I'm going to get eviler...  
  
I do apologize for not getting this out earlier. My aunt just recently passed away due to cancer, so it's been hectic. Another problem in the warfront is that my beta reader's on hiatus... *sighs* So those of you interested, please let me know. I really want to start kicking the chapters out faster again.  
  
For future notice, I will go back and revise the story little by little because I saw a couple of mistakes that were pretty stupid. Also I might go back and add some things due to a direction that I'm planning on taking. Do keep that in the back of your minds.  
  
Also, for those of you who think you know who the villain of the story is... The character is not. I'm been getting some e-mails on this issue. ^_~  
  
Comments, thoughts, flames (for my entertainment of course!), don't hesitate to review. Makes me work a lot faster!! 


	11. Drowning in the Sea of Tears

Warning: Alright, I just wanted to say that content in this chapter is severely depressing. It deals with *wonderful* things such as suicide and well, depression. Of course, there are brief comic appearances. But this chapter, this chapter starts and very well might finish heavy. It depends on your opinion of things. Read on then.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Rurouni Kenshin. If I did, I would have my own private Aoshi to bed. ^_^  
What Keeps Us Alive Chapter Eight: Drowning In The Sea of Tears  
[italics]- thoughts [bold]- letters //italics//- flashbacks  
[Due to the fact that there are major problems uploading the right format, I will at a later time repost this part. At this moment, I am just pretty poed at the damn system.]  
I'm lost, exposed,  
  
Stranger things will come your way,  
  
It's just I'm scared,  
  
Got hurt a long time ago,  
  
Can't make myself heard,  
  
No matter how hard I scream. Portishead  
Pain burned her. It was the only thing that made sense to her. It was the only logic she saw in the train of events that were occurring in her life. For things that didn't make sense, it was a dark degree of pain. For things that made sense and that she knew she understood, it was a light pain.pain that she could bring herself to get over and heal. But her break up with Sano, as both a catalyst and a crucial event in the way she had been feeling, the pain, the anger. none of it had or carried a place. Everything in her life had ventured off course.  
  
She sighed, bringing her knees up to her chest. The beach was quiet today. Shadows of a storm were lurking in, so not that many people decided to brave the beach air. It was okay though. Signs of laughter, of interactions she could no longer feel right to take part in. gone. She could think now. She could drift like the tides, not making a sound decision and content to stay and bring whatever was thrown her way. Wash the pain, retract and repeat- a calming cycle.  
  
Full circle.  
  
I miss Sano. I miss the ability to laugh. These past couple days had brought a lot of realizations to mind. How much she loved her mother's smile. Her father's intensity. Misao's innocence. Kaoru's quiet reassurance. She never really paid much attention to things, the small things, present in her life. But most of all she missed Sano. Their relationship in more ways than one was her saving grace. Instead of throwing herself into her work completely, Sano forced her to step back and take breaks. to learn to watch and love life. Now.now, she didn't know how. She was lost.  
  
// Emptiness was the only choice she had now. To live life with present emptiness. It was like living no life at all. What was the point? Walking around like some creature of the dead, no direction, no ability to see.  
  
Why hadn't the first time worked?  
  
She lifted her bandaged wrist into the light, eyes trailing the path where dried blood still lay. Her eyes looked out into the sea. Calling. Calling. Calling. Taunting.//  
  
"Pardon, Miss?"  
  
She looked up and was greeted by a smiling old man, a cane clutched in his hand. Her eyes widened. "Oh, do you need to sit?"  
  
The man smiled and shook his head.  
  
"Iie, there's no need. There should more youth like you. idiots!"  
  
She chuckled and the older man grinned.  
  
He continued, "You shouldn't be sad. Doesn't suit you, kid."  
  
"Thanks, I guess."  
  
Megumi sighed and leaned back, watching the waves roll back and forth. Calm. That's what she needed now. Calmness. But unfortunately, everything was tumbling into an endless abbess. The old man placed a hand atop her shoulder.  
  
"Whatever it is, maybe I could somehow help.? Listen perhaps?"  
  
She snorted. "Look, I don't mean to be rude but, well, you just don't walk up to some random stranger to ask about what's going on in their lives. People'll think you're nuts."  
  
The old man looked up at her, eyes sparkling with amusement and fondness. She was taken at back with the familiarity that lurked within his intense gaze.  
  
// "He doesn't deserve you, you know."  
  
Megumi looked up and away from the window, eyes wide. Yahiko stood in the doorway, hands gripping his bokken. She gave the younger boy a soft smile and scolded, "You should be in bed."  
  
"Ah, kitsune.I-" He winced when she smacked over the head.  
  
"Go to bed, Yahiko."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "I don't even know why I bother."  
  
She chuckled and turned back to her position at the window. Thank god some things never changed. even in situations such as the one now.  
  
Kao-chan //  
  
"Are you sure you are fine?"  
  
She shrugged. Maybe it was a good idea to get it of my back. I can't think about this.  
  
"It's just that I had a huge fight with my boyfriend--- oh, I don't know why I'm telling you this and especially since I ramble when I get frustrated. It was a stupid fight over one little white lie because if I told him what was bothering me, he probably would have understood and would pretty much pry where he really wanted to. I just wanted to talk to Kaoru because she's a better listener and damn, now I'm sounding like Misao-chan and I hate when I sound like Misao-chan. Anyway, Sano-"  
  
The old man gave her a gentle smile and placed a hand atop her shoulder to calm her. For some reason, Megumi felt a lot better as she felt his calmness seep into her own mental barriers.  
  
"Let me tell you a story, child. Maybe it'll help put some things into perspective for you."  
  
She nodded, lured by the comfort given by his eyes.  
  
"When I was growing up as a boy, I lived with the unconventional family," he paused, chuckling. "My mother figure was a nineteen year old who ran a dojo. My father figure was an ex-assassin. I had other that consider uncles and aunts, cousins even. The ex-gangster, the doctor, the spies. I myself had some issues in the past. But Ka-my mother took me in and tolerated my faults and misgivings. We had our qualms and disagreements, but above all our understandings. I would not be the way I am if it wasn't for her and the dojo. I learned so much. how to live life and love," he trailed off quietly.  
  
"Not that I appreciate you talking to me and all," Megumi interrupted. "But I don't understand the point that you're trying to reach her."  
  
The old man chuckled. "Still as impatient as always."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
He ignored her. "But as always, every good thing must come to an end. An end did come for that matter. An end that I will live with until my dying day. My mother was kidnapped, by someone seeking a bloodthirsty revenge against the ex-assassin. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. They searched so long for her. the spies, the gangster, my father. She was the heart of our family, the glue that kept us together no matter how much we teased her. I just. well, I wish I could have appreciated her more."  
  
Megumi placed a hand on his shoulder. "Regret isn't going to bring her back."  
  
"No, I realized that along time ago. He on the other hand, my father the ex-assassin. it killed him. drove him mad. every fiber of his being. I watched him fall piece by piece. No one realized how much she did for us, how much she held us together. It was then I watched my family bleed and die."  
  
"So she was the first to die?"  
  
He shook his head. "The doctor was the first to go. Physically, she was still alive. Breathing. But her mind was gone when that baka tori-atama left her. She reminds me of you in a way. Always looking out into the sea, eyes full of wonder and calm. She was sort of a walking contradiction. She always thought that she needed someone. But she had so much strength within her. She had so much to give."  
  
Megumi felt a chill rise up. The scene before her was spinning. This man seemed so familiar to her and yet, so strange. What was she supposed to think? She prepared herself for the answer to her next question.  
  
"How?"  
  
The old man sighed softly. "She was always so smart. Always knew how to twist the knife in someone's back. We never expected her to do something."  
  
Megumi grew impatient. "The proper way, as if there were any, was ritual suicide."  
  
"Is that what you think?"  
  
She nodded and he shook his head.  
  
"Child, she tried cutting herself. but tori-atama saved her from doing so. Said something about God and how she'd damn herself. The doctor died in the manner that suited her most."  
  
Her breath caught. Silence.  
  
"In the sea."  
  
water. in its cleansing spirit.  
  
water shall drown away the sorrows and the very essence of soul.  
  
// You can't escape me.//  
**  
*snicker*  
  
"Hajime-san."  
  
*snicker* "I'm sorry." *chuckle*  
  
"Misao-san."  
  
*giggle*  
  
"Misao-chan!"  
  
"Oh. towel. *chuckle*. head. I don't even want to know what that blur was. too funny," Misao laughed, clutching her stomach and trying to hold herself up against the wall. The object of focus laid a top the grass by the walkway and Aoshi found himself staring at the offender with a complete look of contempt.  
  
Goddamn towel.  
  
Misao, seemingly having calmed down was watching him with a tiny smile. She shook her head and motioned for him to follow her inside the house. He sighed and watched her in the corner of his eyes. He couldn't call her cute. Cute was the cheerleaders that were at the football games with the hundred watt smiles and giggles. Hajime Misao seemingly went beyond the normal concepts of beautiful. Her ebony hair was pulled back tightly with escaping tendrils flying into her face every now and then. Her blue eyes still sparkled with mirth and her lips curved into a small smile. She was the epitome of beautiful.  
  
He loved this girl.  
  
Without any need of reason.  
  
"Misao."  
  
She turned to look at him, holding the front door open for him. "Hmmm?"  
  
"You can laugh."  
  
Misao chuckled, shutting the door behind them. "I'm done laughing. Thank you for the offer of continuing my moment of amusement, though. It was sweet."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Glad I amuse you so."  
  
She smiled and took his hand. She seemed to be studying him for awhile. "You're the first guy I've brought home to not only work on a project, but to meet my parents."  
  
"Should I be worried?"  
  
A brilliant smile crossed Misao's lips.  
  
"Hai."  
**  
He looks like a lost little boy, she decided as she pushed back the hair in his face. Free of everything, but lost in what to do with himself. Kaoru sighed and stood, vaguely wondering how her sisters were doing, her eyes lingering on Kenshin's view of the bay. She made her way into the kitchen to make tea and possibly to call home to let her parents know she was fine  
  
But was she really?  
  
She settled the pot atop the oven and leaned back into the counter, eyes closing. She had no idea how to understand or take what was going on. One moment she was in her parents' bedroom, eyes wide and staring at her father's leering figure. He had seemed so cold, she thought with a shiver. She had never seem him look like that, but then at the same time. she expected something like that from him. The same with her mother, expression so calm and so dangerous. Even with Kenshin.  
  
Kenshin. She sighed, eyes wandering back to the open bedroom door.  
  
//Then why can't you remember me?//  
  
Kenshin. She leaned back further. There had been such a raw hunger in his eyes for her that it scared the hell out of her. She was only seventeen .boys should only be nothing more than a liability. But what scared her the most was that she felt the same amount of intensity for Kenshin. So much so that it hurt to breathe. It was only that she didn't understand.  
  
//Then why can't you remember me?//  
  
Unconsciously leaning back too far, a small book fell with a quiet thump to the ground before her feet. Her eyes widened. What is this? She kneeled down with a curious expression on her face and picked up the small book, long fingers tracing the book as if it were her own.  
  
//"I want a journal."//  
  
Her fingers danced over the white marble, stopping at the iris.  
  
//"Why an iris?"  
  
He chuckled, kneeling down and taking her chin into his hand. She didn't like the feel of his hands. Too calloused. Kenshin's were softer, firmer. Kenshin had practically iris.  
  
"I admire your personality, little one."  
  
Her expression darkened. "Where's Yuikishiro-san?"  
  
The man chuckled, tracing his hands over her face. "So soft, so warm. You will replace her well. The boy has done his job well. I have to admit, you are even better than what I expected."  
  
She shivered. It was too dark. She didn't like where she was. She wanted to go home. To her family. She wanted to see Kenshin. She wanted to be happy.  
  
"Why an iris?" Her voice was shaky, the tone persistent and lost.  
  
"Look closer," he urged as if he were speaking to a child. "Look closer."  
  
He pushed the small journal towards again, lighting a match so that she could see closer. Her breath caught and she began to shake.  
  
It was an iris and a poppy, entwined together.  
  
The man continued, oblivious to her violent shaking.  
  
"What it means my dear is quite simple. Battousai will finally learn the lesson he has been avoiding all these long years. An iris and a poppy simply mean that wisdom will come out of your eternal sleep. You will be my greatest example to him. He. Will. Learn."//  
  
Kaoru screamed, clutching her head. She barely heard footsteps rushing towards her and she began to whimper. Across the kitchen, the sunlight filtered into the room and gently caressed her discarded book. Shining brightly as if it were the reason for their existence, the kanji for fate made its presence known.  
  
You can't escape me.  
**  
I won't lie to you, Kenshin. The days winding down, I'm beginning to lose my mind. I don't even know whether or not I can't decipher the difference between what is real and what isn't. Kenshin, I'm sorry but I don't know if I can't wait any longer. This place, Kenshin, this place has a shadow looming over it. I'm trying to be strong for you. I'm trying to fight giving up.  
  
But maybe it just isn't meant to be.  
**  
He felt confident. He could practically taste victory. Kaoru would finally be in his arms. He'd take her away from all of this ridiculousness.  
  
Everything seemed to be going his way.  
  
He was in control finally.  
  
He jumped. a cold hand on his shoulder, gripping him tightly. A dark shadow had entered the room. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest.  
  
"Yuikishiro-san, it has been far too long. I trust that our mutual friend Shogu Amakusa hasn't told you of my arrival in Japan."  
  
His breathe caught.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"The question is, Yuikishiro-san. why did you think you could escape me?"  
**  
author's notes:  
  
*sweatdrops* Yes well, I bloody know that it was a bit depressing. I was kinda of moody when it was written. I have a mild concussion and was in the hospital. No fun, let me tell you. I don't know about you, but people dying isn't exactly my idea of fun. So I'm trying to recover, but on the plus side and a very weird development, my creative notion has gone up. Weird, eh?  
  
On a different note, a lot of things are developing. Well, I did promise a lot of twist and turns . so here they are. So in a little preview for the next couple parts. Sano will be making his own little appearance and Megumi will be conversing with Yahiko (yes, the old man is Yahiko for those who don't know). Aoshi and Misao will finally be having some issues. Some twisted issues, mind you. And then the biggest bit of news, ladies and gentlemen, is the role reversal between Kenshin and Kaoru. So get ready for some more fun. I know I'm excited.  
  
^_^;;  
  
And to finish up, thank you for the two hundred reviews!! Makes me so happy!! Thank you all so very much. Please continue to review, I enjoy reading every single review for each and everyone of you. A special thanks to Nemo and her taking over the role as my editor. Hope to have more fun conversations with you, chica. 


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